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Tex Commando

I'm not angry, just outspoken

That’s fucking gross. I mean, think about it – smelly, squishy, disgusting!

That has absolutely nothing to do with anything. I’m doing a free association thing to get me started writing. I am actually missing out on Willy Wonka to write a probably stupid blog post. Can I just say that that movie is one of my ALL TIME FAVORITES!!!!! I don’t ever tire of that shit. And, my favorite part is when- everything!

I love the song Charlie and Grandpa Joe sing when he finally gets out of bed. But don’t get me started on how it makes me mad that those people just laid around all day in bed. Ok, well, at least Grandma Josephine was always knitting in bed. She produced something. And it grossed me out a little bit when Grandpa Joe pulled out Charlie’s birthday gift from under the covers and gave it to him. I mean, gross! He’s been in bed for 20 fuckin’ years! Those sheets were dirty, and must have smelled bad. And he gives him food that was under there!?!?!

I mostly love Wonka. His one liners are the best! Almost every time I watch it, I catch something else. It’s like reading the scriptures, kinda. Except I don’t read mine. But I remember that every time I did, I picked up on something different. But it usually didn’t make me laugh. It usually made me feel like shit. Not Wonka, he makes me feel awesome!

My teenager does that kind of stuff to me all the time. I’ll say or do something, and she’ll toss out a zinger, but it’ll be so subtle that I don’t even pick up on it until she’s giggling (laughing at me). That doesn’t make me feel awesome. That makes me feel like punching her in the face. What makes me feel awesome is when I do that to her. I don’t ever actually punch her in the face. That would be fucked up. Wonka would never punch a child in the face. He’d get the Oompa Loompas to come sing a song.

Maybe that’s how we should live. We could live as Wonka does. Imaging how the world would be if we all lived as Wonka. So, the next time you feel like shit, and want to punch someone in the face, think to yourself:

WWWD – What would Wonka do? What song would the Oompa Loompas sing to you?


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