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Tex Commando

I'm not angry, just outspoken

Just when I had completely forgotten about him, my youngest little monster had to dig him out of the archives of Netflix. I am talking about Barney the purple motherfuckin’ dinosaur. She clicked on it. Before I could stop myself, I was singing along with the intro song.

Barney is a di-no-saur from our imagi-naaaation, and when he’s tall he’s what we call a dinosaur sen-saaation!

I knew every damned word of that song. I didn’t want to know it. I didn’t want to sing it. I had no control of my actions. It was as if some supernatural force was making me sing Barney songs. Maybe it was Satan.

Needless to say, she’s kinda hooked on Barney now. SHIT! She loves that purple motherfucking dinosaur. That’s all she has talked about for the past two days. Barney and BJ. Ok, so BJ? Really? They named a character on a children’s show BJ?!? I know, I know, this show came out way before anyone really knew what BJ even meant. I mean, I did. But I didn’t have a nickname for it.

I’m torn. There’s nothing wrong with the show. They teach kids to be kind, caring, accepting of differences, socially aware- these are all things that are good. They are a diverse group of kids who have fun singing and dancing and using their imagination. My little monster does those things all the time. Barney is really just an extension of who she is. BUT, he’s annoying. I guess the only real reason I can give against watching it is that the show annoys the hell out of me.

But annoying or not, I must give him props. If it wasn’t for Barney, I might not have made it through my second pregnancy. Barney babysat the oldest kid so I could take precious 24 minute naps. LOJO can attest to the power that purple creature had over my oldest monster.

So, I guess for now it’s OK for the youngest brat to watch Barney. I’ll sing along to the songs, and she will be in awe of her amazing mother who knows all the words. It’ll boost my ego to see her look at me in such amazement because I already KNOW him. Eventually, she’ll forget about him. Then I’ll be off the hook to sing to her before she goes to bed.

I LOVE YOUUUUUU. YOU LOVE MEEEEEEE. WE’RE A HAPPY FA-MI- LEEEEEEEEE. WITH A GREAT BIG HUG AND A KISS FROM ME TO YOU. WON’T YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME TOOOOOO?

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