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Tex Commando

I'm not angry, just outspoken

So, I bought my DC the day before my ‘lil friend came to visit. I did what my friend, Crissy, at Toy With Me suggested. If you want to know what she suggested, read the damn column.

I felt violated. Seriously. And I’ve had four kids. Vaginally. Three of them I did without drugs.

The next day, I discovered that I needed the DC. Since Thursday, I have done the following things: 2 sessions of hot yoga, 8 personal training sessions, 3 1/2 hour drive to Virginia, 5K run. Tonight, I plan to go out dancing and drinking with my new sisters. During all of this I have been fully confident. You mofos know what that means. I’m not scared of leakage. You know- how you are afraid that the ‘pon isn’t going to hold up? Like, the little voice in your head (maybe it’s the holy ghost) that tells you that you should change the ‘pon but you ignore it and decide to wait just a little bit longer but you waited too long because now you have to change your drawers because you had an accident? Yeah….none of that. Confident.

After the first time or two, it was awkward. I’m pretty good with it now.

Sorry dudes. If I made you gag it’s ok. You’ll get over it. If you have a wife, recommend this to her. If you are a female mofo, lemme just tell you that it’s great. Really. You just have to be willing to stick your hand in your vagina. Well, not exactly, but you do have to get pretty familiar with yourself. But here’s the deal: It’s your body. Seriously. Don’t be such a chicken shit about getting all up in there. It’s totally worth it.




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