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Tex Commando

I'm not angry, just outspoken

I love you mofos. Y’all know that. I love how you tell me how amazing my ass is. You tell me what a fuckin’ genius I am. You let me vent to you about shit that’s going on in my motherfuckin’ house. Some of you mofos are even traveling to hang out with me next week. If it was possible, I’d hug each and every one of you people while letting you know how important you are to me.

But…

Something’s missing. Something big is missing from my life. And I want it back but I don’t know how to get it back. It fucking sucks to need the one person who you confided everything (well, almost) for the past 11 years, and not be able to call her up and get her support and encouragement when you need it the most. One of the only people in the whole world who loves your family like her own (or at least used to), and knows them almost as well because she’s been there all of their lives.

I want to call her. I want to cry over the phone so she can tell me that everything is going to be just fine. However, I can’t help but think that if I do that, I will validate her belief that I brought on all of my family’s drama because of my actions. In her eyes, I have made very serious mistakes that must be dealt with. And until I deal with them properly, I will continue to have these issues to deal with.

Over the past week, I have been on the verge of calling her so many times. And each time, I stop myself because I don’t want to give her the satisfaction. I don’t want to inadvertently validate her opinion. (Because I know she’d have one)

So, yeah. That’s my suck-ass thing. Do you have one?

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