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Tex Commando

I'm not angry, just outspoken

So, today was one of the most beautiful days so far this year. It was perfect bicycle riding weather. Not too hot, perfectly sunny, cool breeze. After I dropped my 5 year old off at school, I hopped on my bike and rode 7 miles to the gym. It was fantastic! I didn’t even fear for my life once during the ride. Usually, there’s some jackass car-driving bully who tries to run a bitch off the road. But none today.

I did a quick wardrobe change at the gym and attended my favorite class EVER. Step. I sweated and stepped and squatted and stepped and sweated and sweated and stepped and jumped and squatted for an hour. IT WAS GREAT!!!!

Except for the part where we had to run in place.

That part was fucking annoying and stupid and I hated it. Why? I’ll fucking tell you why: everything from my belly to my ass shook. Like goddamn jello. My ass jiggled, my thighs jiggled, my belly jiggled, even my back jiggled. MY BACK?!?!? Yes, my back jiggled. Maybe it was my love handles.

I don’t like to jiggle. I’m too soft. I hate it. I don’t want to jiggle.

Maybe you jiggle. I don’t judge you. I don’t care if YOU jiggle. Your body can do whatever the fuck it wants to do. It’s MY body that I care about. It’s MY body that I have to stuff into my clothes. And it doesn’t even matter what size they are- I’D STILL JIGGLE!!!

So, after I jiggled stepped, I hoisted myself onto  got on my bike, and rode the 7 or so miles back home.

It was pretty awesome. I felt like I accomplished something towards getting my jiggles to go away. It’ll take some time. Perhaps less beer and wine. And my sick, twisted brain is secretly wishing for a little stress to fuck with my digestive system so I can’t eat. Just a week. Or two. Just enough to lose a couple of pounds.

Awwww, shit. Exercising is better. I know. Don’t preach.


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