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Tex Commando

I'm not angry, just outspoken

I’m not sure if I bragged mentioned this or not on here, but did you mofos know that my husband graduated with his Master’s degree a couple of weeks ago? Yeah, it’s pretty fuckin’ awesome. Not only is he the first one in his family to graduate college, but now he’s added a Master’s degree on top of it. Obviously, I’m not the one with the Master’s degree because if I was, I’d be doing more with my life than part time personal training, market research, and mommying. But I digress…this post isn’t a pity party about Tex’s life. This post is about the other Master in the family. The Five Year Old.

Master of what, you ask. Master of the Universe? Close. Master-bater. Yes, she’s discovered a new pastime. Maybe discovered is the wrong word. REdiscovered is more accurate. She first discovered her happy place when she was two. After she was potty trained, she figured out that the buckle on the carseat seatbelt was in just the right spot to make those long car trips (to anywhere we went) just a little bit more bearable.

It made me feel uncomfortable to have her masturbating in the backseat of my car every chance she got. I tried to stop her. Nothing I did worked. Eventually, she stopped on her own.

She’s been an intermittent masturbator for a couple of years now. Until quite recently. She’s gotten pretty sly about it. I don’t want my kids to feel ashamed about their bodies. I don’t want them to be afraid to make themselves feel good. However, I also don’t want to be privy to their self-pleasurings either.

So, I pointed out to her that I knew what she was doing.

Yes, I know it feels good to touch your private parts. I know you like the way it feels. That’s OK. What’s not OK is that you’re touching your private areas in a not-so-private part of our house. You’re not allowed to masturbate in the family room even if you are under a blanket.

I figured that if I made her be away from the action (haha, action!) and excitement (lol) going on in the public areas of the house, that would dissuade her from doing it. Wrong.

Because when I tried to distract her with other activities that she usually LOVES to do, like mopping the floor, cooking, reading, painting, she ever so politely told me that it feels really good to touch her privates and she was going to go to her room for a few more minutes then she’d be back out.

I needed help, so I texted my sexpert, Lucy Lipps:

TC: My girl won’t stop masturbating long enough to cook, clean, hang out with me. ‘it feels so good!’ she tells me. Good for her that I dont prefer to play with myself when she wants to be around me

LL: Hahhahahaha what on Earth?!

TC: She’s been masturbating lately out of…boredom? Idk. So I told her that she needs to do it in private not in the family room. And I’m trying to distract her and she flat out told he to give her a few more minutes then she’d come out and cook with me. WTF?!?!

LL: Wow!!! They say kids who do master ate often have higher intelligence

TC: Lol. What should I DO?! Nothing? Make her wash her hands and change her panties?

LL: You can tell her to save it for her bedtime at night because that is her private time. And always encourage hand washing and panty change after. You can tell her that it is too much the same way you would too much video time for example.

TC: Night time. Ok. Because I thought that if I made her be in private and I was doing something else fun in public she would be ok. Obvs not.

LL: When it balances out shell be ok

TC: I will do that. Bcuz at night she’ll fall asleep after a few minutes. Omg. At least she’s not groaning.

LL: Hahaha. They r our girls (speaking of her 7 year old) Bwahahhahhahahahaha

TC: We just had a little chat. Privatetime, nighttime, quiettime, alonetime. She seems ok with that. She was getting dressed

LL: Great!! Shell need reminders at first until she developed the new habit. Wouldn’t it be great if we could fuck all day long no matter where we are?! Lololl

TC: Lol. Yeah. Stay tipsy and fuck all the time. One of these days…

LL: Hahahhahahha  Btw I am the mofo!!

TC: Lol. I never fo’d a mo.

LL: Lol but I sho did call out fo on occasion!! Hahhaha

TC: (later in the evening) Guess who took a nap for over an hour today? I guess she wore herself out from all that m-bating.

LL: Yeah aren’t we all tired after a good o!



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