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Tex Commando

I'm not angry, just outspoken

Facebook is a window. For me, it’s a semi-smudged window with cobwebs in the corner and dead bugs on the window sill. My facebook window resembles the windows in my home. From a distance, they look perfectly fine. You can pass by them every day and not think twice about what’s happening inside the windows. If you decide to look closer, you see the fingerprints and dead bugs. But, if you open the window and come inside you’ll be breaking into my house and most likely, my dog will growl at you and bark and I might kick you in the nuts. So, if you come to my house and want to see what’s going on inside, just knock on the door and I’ll let you in. Unless you’re a missionary. Because I have no use for your god message. Ok?

Where was I? Oh yeah, a window.

I have learned that people aren’t always who they want you to think they are. I have also discovered that it’s gold when someone lets you peek inside their windows. And it’s like you caught your own genie and your own leprechaun and your own fairy godmother and watched the most fucked up threesome in the history of threesomes if they invite you inside the house for a drink.  (Trust me, it’s SO worth it)

Occasionally, I’m able to see beyond the facade and get a glimpse of what’s inside. In my attempt to be more connected to people I care about, I have started to try to really SEE people. As a result, I have realized how I show myself isn’t really what’s inside. In fact, the front that I put up most of the time accomplishes the exact opposite of what I really want.

I like to have fun. I love to joke around and make silly and irreverent jokes, especially on facebook. It makes me happy when people boost my ego and tell me that they look forward to what ridiculousness I’m going to post each day. That’s the front. What’s inside is someone who just wants to be taken seriously. Someone who wants to be heard. Someone who wants to feel like she is successful. Someone who wants people know that she will listen and care and cry with you if you need it.

A friend paid me the nicest compliment yesterday. She said that I showed her compassion and empathy. She said that I talked TO her and not AT her. This was after I invaded her inbox and got all up inside her head and told her to stop frontin’. But then it got me thinking about myself. Because everything always comes back to me.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m due at least $200 for that therapy session. And I want to know what YOUR front is. What are you hiding?

 

 

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