Skip to content

Tex Commando

I'm not angry, just outspoken

Category Archives: Don’t just exercise…Texercise!

photo 1.JPGOn my way between classes this morning, I discovered that it’s an exciting week on campus.

photo 2.JPGIn my attempt for a free t-shirt that I’d never wear outside of my bedroom, I walked around to talk to the different booths of people who were there to ask my advice educate me about sex.

Every table had a sticker, and I had to get four stickers in order to score a shirt. The first table had sexy toys. They were offering lube and condoms.

“NO thanks, I don’t need condoms.”

Next table was the peer counselors. They were a lovely group of ladies who remembered me from another campus event where I talked to them for awhile about their jobs. Next to the crisis hotline pens was a basket of jimmy hats.

“NO thanks, I don’t have any use for condoms.”

The third table I stopped at was for the Vagina Monologues. There will be a performance here in the spring. Since I like vaginas, I decided to sign up on their email list to find out how I can be a part of it.

Last stop was the Rainbow Terps table. After talking to the adorable homosexual boy at the table, I decided to go to Queer Lunch tomorrow to check out their extensive library and meet some other gays on campus. Guess what else he offered me? CONDOMS!!!!

“NO thanks, I don’t USE condoms.”

The guy standing next to me at the table got it. We shared a moment.

I stood in line only to not get a t-shirt because they ran out of them. But I did get a fact sheet that only reinforces to me the importance of lots of sex. Especially while I’m a college student.

It'll help me reduce stress from all of the stupid group projects I have.

It’ll help me reduce stress from all of the stupid group projects I have.

I'm a Kinesiology major. Duh. Exercise is what I DO at college. This is real-world application.

I’m a Kinesiology major. Duh. Exercise is what I DO at college. This is real-world application.

Need I say more?
photo 3

Advertisements

Tags: , , , , , ,

Work and school and school and work and kids and school and work and kids and on and on and on and on.

It has been busy around here. Weird.  Being a full-time college student and full-time retail worker with children doesn’t leave a lot of time to blog. Like now, I should be studying for an exam tomorrow. But I am taking a break because I just finished a quiz and got 18/20 on it. Not bad, eh?

Do you mofos know what I’m going to college for? I don’t know if I told you. Maybe I did, but I don’t want to look back at the previous posts so I’ll tell you again. Kinesiology. Don’t know what that is? Perhaps you should look it up.

I am having such a good time doing college. On one hand, I wish I had done this 20 years ago when I was 18. I’m amazed at all there is to do at Maryland. So far, the professors are excellent, the staff are awesome, and I have more support than I know what to do with. It seems almost impossible NOT to do well.

ON THE OTHER HAND, I’m 99.896% positive that I would probably be like the other 96.873% of my classmates and not:

  • show up
  • be on time
  • participate in discussions
  • be on task in class
  • read the required material before class
  • watch required videos
  • do required assignments
  • listen to professor

Instead, I do those things. I’m the nerd in front of class knitting, taking notes, answering questions, and ASKING questions. I’m getting the most out of this whole college thing and it’s fucking exciting!!

I have taken a way longer break than I had planned for. It’s time to get back to studying for my exercise psychology (my favorite class) exam (nerd).

Perhaps when I get another break, I’ll tell you more about what Brandi is up to and how WE are doing.

(Hint: exceptionally well)

Tags: , , , , ,

I did a good job with yoga for the first two weeks of the month, then my kids had two weeks of early dismissals, holidays, days off school, yadda yadda yadda. They threw my shit off. It’s them, not me. Today is the first full day I have to clean my house, have conversations with myself and do laundry in forever. As much as I want to to sweat my ass off, I can’t do it. I need to be home. I have Mr. T trying to get me to meet him for lunch. Damn! Does it ever end?

I’m just kidding about the lunch thing. I like to go out for lunch. I prefer to have lunch out. I usually don’t eat lunch unless I get it out somewhere. The only thing about meeting him for lunch is that it’s a 30 minute drive to where he is, then we have to decide where to eat. Then it’s 30 minutes back home. I already committed to picking up a kid from school, so now my whole afternoon is messed up.

The things I do for love.

Oh, I am starting a new job Tuesday. I’ll be working at my yarn store two days a week. I’m pretty excited about that. Until the next thing comes along. Why is that? I’m like a little kid who sees all of the toys in the store and just HAS to have a specific one. Only when I get the toy, it’s just a countdown until I lose interest in that particular toy and NEED another, shinier, more exciting toy. How can I be better about that?

I haven’t cooked any more Indian food. So much for that idea.

Speaking of food, Mr. T and I get to have dinner with Lori and Jason at one of my favorite lunch date restaurants. I am hoping it’s freezing cold when I leave to meet Mr. T, because I am planning on wearing the mittens I just made. I’m giving them to Lori, so she can keep her new fingers warm. I really need to quality test them before I give them to her.

I guess that’s it for now. How is YOUR January going?

Tags: , , , , ,

I’m not usually the kind of person who does a lot of categorizing and listing. I also don’t do resolutions. Since it’s  a new year and all I thought, “Fuckit. I’ll do both and check in weekly.”

I know you mofos are already tuning out and picking at your nails. I know that my follow-through sucks. I know. I’m hanging my head in shame. But this time it’s going to be different. (That’s what HE said.)

So, here are some of my resolutions or goals or desires or hopes or whatever the hell you want to call it.

  1. Get myself out there more. To me, this means to expand my circle beyond the one or two friends I communicate with. I have become somewhat of a recluse over the past few months. It’s pretty depressing, and I am tired of it. I need more friends.
  2. Make myself do things even if I don’t want to. Refer to the top. I am a bit depressed. As a result, I haven’t had much (any) motivation to do anything extra. Like the things I love to do. Like cook. And exercise. And socialize. I need to make myself do these things. I know I will be happier if I just get off my ass.
  3. Challenge my creativity. This year, I plan to take it to the next level. You all know I knit, but this time I’m going to knit something difficult and beautiful. No more scarves and mittens. I used to cook all the time. I was passionate about food. It’s time to get some of that fire back into my belly. And, something different. I don’t know what it will be, but I will do something else. I have always wanted to learn how to throw pottery. I might try that.
  4. Have more orgasms. You know how it is with depression- lack of interest in sex. Not only do I have little or no interest in sex with my sexy husband, I don’t even want to have sex with myself. Lame. That’s going to change.

Wish me luck. I’ll get back to you mofos in a week with what I did on the list.

What are YOUR resolutions/goals/desires/hopes for the upcoming year?

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

This shit is intimate. This blogging shit. You people know what I mean.

The filter is off when I sit down to blog. It’s in another dimension when I blog after I’ve had a drink or two. Occasionally I’ll censor what I say on here. If it’s not something I can really speak freely about I just won’t discuss it at all. Instead, I’ll send angry cussing text messages to my bitch. Or, I’ll call up my sista’ Lucy.

Sometimes I’ll put things on this motherfucker that I don’t even really ever talk  about. It’s my diary. You know, the one you don’t care if someone else reads. The other diary got burned (thank goodness). And what’s funny is that people actually read it. People – complete strangers read this blog and learn pretty intimate details about my life and my fucked up mind and what crazy shit I believe and all of that. What’s even funnier, is that I read other people’s shit and learn shit about them too. What’s even more funnier is that sometimes I meet these strangers who aren’t really strangers at all because we already know every motherfucking thing about each other. But it’s kind of awkward anyway because you are talking to someone and you already know all of their shit, but it’s weird because you don’t want to necessarily talk about their shit with them  but you do want to ask them something specific about something they blogged about but you don’t want to overstep some weird internet-blogger code and say something about something that they didn’t actually want to talk about which is why they wrote it on their blog.

Like, the time I met the friend of a good friend of mine. She reads my blogs and Brandi’s blogs religiously. This girl knew more about the goings on in my life than my friend did. It kinda freaked me out when she asked me about something I had blogged about the day before. After the initial freak-out, my head grew three sizes because she actually likes reading my shit.

But back to my original point. Was there a point? Oh yeah, talking to a fellow blogger. It fucks me up even more if they’re anonymous. Take Vegas, for example. I expected JZ to be some frumpy, dumpy, pathetic, lump. Ummmmmmm nope. Not even close. That bitch is Gore-frickin’-geous, funny, smart, confident, fun, and most certainly not frumpy and dumpy.

Last night, I had a beautiful conversation with Dadsprimalscream. It seemed a bit awkward at first because I didn’t want to seem all buddy-buddy like I knew him and all. Because I don’t. Not really. Then I had this funny voice in my head (Rena) saying how I needed to say the F word more and how I “don’t cuss nearly as much as I do on my blog”. But I fought the urge to be ‘Tex’ because that’s not my speaking voice. Well, it is, but only in certain situations to certain mofos. It was cool. I got over the awkwardness after a few minutes, and I am excited to get to know him better over the next few weeks.

At least with him, the awkward familiarity goes both ways. Not so with my other soon-to-be ‘client’, Pam The Realtor. She has the advantage going into this relationship because SHE DOESN’T BLOG!! I look forward to talking to her tomorrow. Pam, be sure to bring up how amazing I am during our conversation tomorrow, OK? Tell me how funny I am on my blog and how boring and normal I am in real life. (Sssssh. This is a test to see if she reads this crap every day.)

Have you met a fellow internet friend? I want your stories about me. How did it fuck you up?

Tags: , , , , ,

There’s just so damn much and nothing going on at the same time. Too much to actually be able to do what I want/need to do, and not enough to keep the kids from crawling up my ass.  I haven’t been doing nearly enough partying because I have to be sober to pick up my teenager from work in the evenings. That, and I have been putting my ass to bed by 10pm.

I haven’t forgotten about my experiment. I’d like to try out my evil master plan to take over the world on Dadsprimalscream , Pam the Realtor, and her daughter. Are you mofos game? I’ll be sending you an email with my contact information so we can get started on this bitch.

That’s all. I need to go make some coffee, and try to escape my house before my kids start wanting shit with me.

Tags: , ,

My last post got me thinking. Sometimes crazy shit comes out of my head when I think. For those of you who areunfortunate fortunate enough to know me in real life, you know that it’s not always a good thing to be on the receiving end of my thoughts.

This time, however, I think I might have an idea that could change. your. life. Seriously.

You mofos know I am Personal Trainer to the stars, an elite group of men and women who entrust me with their hard-earned money to help them get fit. Until recently, my level of service has been average. Sure, I provided awesome workouts and stunning conversation, but something has been missing. That something is the Follow Up. See, I have taken it for granted that once I start training someone that they’re going to ACTUALLY work out. As in- on their own. I guess I think that if they’re paying me hundreds of dollars, they will actually DO what I tell them to do. Not usually so. Unless I bugremind them, and have solutions to their excuses.

So, when Pam the Realtor commented about someone kicking her ass in AZ, I started thinking, “Why not me?” I realized that most of the time, people just need to know what to do and have someone to tell them to do it.

So, here goes my experiment. I need three people who:

  1. Need to get healthy
  2. Have little/no motivation
  3. Have no clue where/ how to start exercising
  4. Are willing to play by my rules for 6 weeks
I don’t want someone who already works out on their own and is looking for a change. I don’t want someone who is just trying to lose that ‘last ten pounds’. I want people who are really at the end of their rope and need help.
So if you or someone you know would like to try this thing out, leave a comment and make sure to leave your correct email address in the comment form. I’m the only one who sees that information. Oh, and if I choose you, you also consent to be talked about on this blog.
What are you mofos waiting for?

Tags: , ,