Skip to content

Tex Commando

I'm not angry, just outspoken

Category Archives: Movies

Just when I had completely forgotten about him, my youngest little monster had to dig him out of the archives of Netflix. I am talking about Barney the purple motherfuckin’ dinosaur. She clicked on it. Before I could stop myself, I was singing along with the intro song.

Barney is a di-no-saur from our imagi-naaaation, and when he’s tall he’s what we call a dinosaur sen-saaation!

I knew every damned word of that song. I didn’t want to know it. I didn’t want to sing it. I had no control of my actions. It was as if some supernatural force was making me sing Barney songs. Maybe it was Satan.

Needless to say, she’s kinda hooked on Barney now. SHIT! She loves that purple motherfucking dinosaur. That’s all she has talked about for the past two days. Barney and BJ. Ok, so BJ? Really? They named a character on a children’s show BJ?!? I know, I know, this show came out way before anyone really knew what BJ even meant. I mean, I did. But I didn’t have a nickname for it.

I’m torn. There’s nothing wrong with the show. They teach kids to be kind, caring, accepting of differences, socially aware- these are all things that are good. They are a diverse group of kids who have fun singing and dancing and using their imagination. My little monster does those things all the time. Barney is really just an extension of who she is. BUT, he’s annoying. I guess the only real reason I can give against watching it is that the show annoys the hell out of me.

But annoying or not, I must give him props. If it wasn’t for Barney, I might not have made it through my second pregnancy. Barney babysat the oldest kid so I could take precious 24 minute naps. LOJO can attest to the power that purple creature had over my oldest monster.

So, I guess for now it’s OK for the youngest brat to watch Barney. I’ll sing along to the songs, and she will be in awe of her amazing mother who knows all the words. It’ll boost my ego to see her look at me in such amazement because I already KNOW him. Eventually, she’ll forget about him. Then I’ll be off the hook to sing to her before she goes to bed.



Tags: ,

That’s fucking gross. I mean, think about it – smelly, squishy, disgusting!

That has absolutely nothing to do with anything. I’m doing a free association thing to get me started writing. I am actually missing out on Willy Wonka to write a probably stupid blog post. Can I just say that that movie is one of my ALL TIME FAVORITES!!!!! I don’t ever tire of that shit. And, my favorite part is when- everything!

I love the song Charlie and Grandpa Joe sing when he finally gets out of bed. But don’t get me started on how it makes me mad that those people just laid around all day in bed. Ok, well, at least Grandma Josephine was always knitting in bed. She produced something. And it grossed me out a little bit when Grandpa Joe pulled out Charlie’s birthday gift from under the covers and gave it to him. I mean, gross! He’s been in bed for 20 fuckin’ years! Those sheets were dirty, and must have smelled bad. And he gives him food that was under there!?!?!

I mostly love Wonka. His one liners are the best! Almost every time I watch it, I catch something else. It’s like reading the scriptures, kinda. Except I don’t read mine. But I remember that every time I did, I picked up on something different. But it usually didn’t make me laugh. It usually made me feel like shit. Not Wonka, he makes me feel awesome!

My teenager does that kind of stuff to me all the time. I’ll say or do something, and she’ll toss out a zinger, but it’ll be so subtle that I don’t even pick up on it until she’s giggling (laughing at me). That doesn’t make me feel awesome. That makes me feel like punching her in the face. What makes me feel awesome is when I do that to her. I don’t ever actually punch her in the face. That would be fucked up. Wonka would never punch a child in the face. He’d get the Oompa Loompas to come sing a song.

Maybe that’s how we should live. We could live as Wonka does. Imaging how the world would be if we all lived as Wonka. So, the next time you feel like shit, and want to punch someone in the face, think to yourself:

WWWD – What would Wonka do? What song would the Oompa Loompas sing to you?

Tags: , , ,