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Tex Commando

I'm not angry, just outspoken

Category Archives: Tex on sex

photo 1.JPGOn my way between classes this morning, I discovered that it’s an exciting week on campus.

photo 2.JPGIn my attempt for a free t-shirt that I’d never wear outside of my bedroom, I walked around to talk to the different booths of people who were there to ask my advice educate me about sex.

Every table had a sticker, and I had to get four stickers in order to score a shirt. The first table had sexy toys. They were offering lube and condoms.

“NO thanks, I don’t need condoms.”

Next table was the peer counselors. They were a lovely group of ladies who remembered me from another campus event where I talked to them for awhile about their jobs. Next to the crisis hotline pens was a basket of jimmy hats.

“NO thanks, I don’t have any use for condoms.”

The third table I stopped at was for the Vagina Monologues. There will be a performance here in the spring. Since I like vaginas, I decided to sign up on their email list to find out how I can be a part of it.

Last stop was the Rainbow Terps table. After talking to the adorable homosexual boy at the table, I decided to go to Queer Lunch tomorrow to check out their extensive library and meet some other gays on campus. Guess what else he offered me? CONDOMS!!!!

“NO thanks, I don’t USE condoms.”

The guy standing next to me at the table got it. We shared a moment.

I stood in line only to not get a t-shirt because they ran out of them. But I did get a fact sheet that only reinforces to me the importance of lots of sex. Especially while I’m a college student.

It'll help me reduce stress from all of the stupid group projects I have.

It’ll help me reduce stress from all of the stupid group projects I have.

I'm a Kinesiology major. Duh. Exercise is what I DO at college. This is real-world application.

I’m a Kinesiology major. Duh. Exercise is what I DO at college. This is real-world application.

Need I say more?
photo 3


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Am I naive? I don’t think so. Clueless sometimes, but not naive. I understand that people might have an issue with the same sex thing, but race? That surprises me.

It’s not like we are going to reproduce. Wrong equipment, and all. Not that there’s anything wrong with a colored and a white reproducing. I mean, HELLO! Have you met me?!

It seriously blows my mind how people think their opinion about someone else’s relationship matters. It’s so funny that knowing two people are totally HAPPY AND IN FUCKING LOVE upsets some people so much. Ummmmm, excuse me? Did I invite you to WATCH?


(For the record, no one is invited to watch)

I’m doing it! Over the past week, I have:

  • completed 7 yoga classes over the past 9 days. I am unofficially doing a 60 day challenge. That’s 90 hours of yoga in two months. I don’t know if I’ll actually do that much, but at this point, I have done more over the past week than I have done over the past two months. I’ll consider this first week a WIN!
  • cooked delicious Indian food. I used at least 3,000 bowls, dishes, pans, spoons, and measuring cups to make  Makhani Chicken, basmati rice, and  Naan. If you decide to make it, marinate the chicken like this and cook the sauce like the first recipe using the first suggestion. Also, this tastes even better the second day, so double the recipe like I did, and eat it for several days. I decided that I’ll focus on a different country/cuisine per month. I already have a request for Chinese next month. Do you mofos have a  suggestion?
  • plans to try to make a new friend. This girl and I from yoga talked some over the summer, and we lost touch because of my absence from yoga over the past several months. I saw her this morning, and I decided this afternoon that I’m going to try to make a new friend. She’s cool, and we seem to get along pretty well. We were both happy to see each other and catch up. It’s fucking weird to try to make a new friend. What do you say? “Hi, I’m Tex, will you be my friend?” Oh to be six again…
  • not had too many more ‘gasms over the past week. Why? I’ll have to discuss that with the Mr., and possibly work on some ‘self exploration’ while he’s gone for the week.

All in all, I’ve had a pretty good first week of the year. My evil plot to get my fellow apostate knitting best local maryland friend to the yarn store is going to come to fruition tomorrow. I’m looking forward to that. (Don’t you love all of the damned qualifiers?)

My littlest girl and I have started a nightly tradition of connect four. I plan to groom her to  actually be able to challenge me one day.  Mimi has even gotten into the nightly action. It’s a good alternative to planting them in front of the TV while I ignore them.

How was your first week?

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I’m not usually the kind of person who does a lot of categorizing and listing. I also don’t do resolutions. Since it’s  a new year and all I thought, “Fuckit. I’ll do both and check in weekly.”

I know you mofos are already tuning out and picking at your nails. I know that my follow-through sucks. I know. I’m hanging my head in shame. But this time it’s going to be different. (That’s what HE said.)

So, here are some of my resolutions or goals or desires or hopes or whatever the hell you want to call it.

  1. Get myself out there more. To me, this means to expand my circle beyond the one or two friends I communicate with. I have become somewhat of a recluse over the past few months. It’s pretty depressing, and I am tired of it. I need more friends.
  2. Make myself do things even if I don’t want to. Refer to the top. I am a bit depressed. As a result, I haven’t had much (any) motivation to do anything extra. Like the things I love to do. Like cook. And exercise. And socialize. I need to make myself do these things. I know I will be happier if I just get off my ass.
  3. Challenge my creativity. This year, I plan to take it to the next level. You all know I knit, but this time I’m going to knit something difficult and beautiful. No more scarves and mittens. I used to cook all the time. I was passionate about food. It’s time to get some of that fire back into my belly. And, something different. I don’t know what it will be, but I will do something else. I have always wanted to learn how to throw pottery. I might try that.
  4. Have more orgasms. You know how it is with depression- lack of interest in sex. Not only do I have little or no interest in sex with my sexy husband, I don’t even want to have sex with myself. Lame. That’s going to change.

Wish me luck. I’ll get back to you mofos in a week with what I did on the list.

What are YOUR resolutions/goals/desires/hopes for the upcoming year?

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  • for meaningful friendships that allow me to be myself without fear of rejection or judgement regardless of my religious beliefs
  • for red wine and fancy craft beer
  • for being the ‘godless and immoral’ one who is almost always the voice of reason
  • for guiltless, dirty, awesome sex
  • for the courage to leave the church
  • for being truly happy for the first time in my life (yeah. happiness is a real thing even for apostates)
  • for having an ENTIRE EXTRA DAY to do family fun stuff/shopping/work/relaxing
  • for being able to show off my awesome shoulders in sleeveless shirts and dresses
  • for shedding the baggage that makes me feel guilty/sinful for wearing a bikini this summer
  • for Bailey’s in my coffee
  • for being the Honorable Queen Bishop to my FMWAs

Anyone else out there who needs the support of friends when you feel like you have no where else you can go to be supported in your radical/immoral/apostate ideas? Hit me up. I have just the place for you.



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Aside from not thinking people want to read what I have to say, there’s another reason I don’t post more. My friends and their wacky conversations on facebook. I get started on a blog post, and inevitably someone starts chatting or commenting on something crazy. Well, OF COURSE I can’t let it go. I have to participate. Then I forget what I was blogging about in the first place, and scrap the half-written paragraph. I guess I could only have one window open at a time. I don’t have to be on facebook while I’m blogging. I could allocate my time between blogging, housework, errands, facebook, work, working out, and all of that crap. But what fun is that?

I sorta like living in chaos. I like bouncing from thing to thing to thing. I like being rushed. I feel like I’m my most creative when there’s a tiny element of chaos involved. I feel like I get nothing done if I have plenty of time on my hands. Take this morning, for example:

I get up early and make my coffee. Then I’m on the computer to finish the blog post I started almost 24 hours earlier. Then I rememer about the pattern I was going to find for my 10 year-old’s friend to knit on her trip to Orlando in a couple of weeks. Then it’s time to go upstairs for the coffee/make breakfast/nag my kids to get ready for school/drink coffee/talk to kids. Then back downstairs to work on the blog post/check facebook/make plans to see friends today/arrange schedule and to-do list/delete old blog post and start this one. Then I go back upstairs to check on the kids/start creating an easy pattern for Mimi’s friend because the others online were too hard/make half of the girls’ lunches. I still haven’t brushed my teeth or gotten dressed. Zoom kids to bus stop. Get back to computer to attempt yet AGAIN to finish blog post. Then decide to go in and talk to husband who is still in bed (don’t hate. he had a rough night’s sleep). Kids are all gone. Why, yes, I will have sex with you, Mr. T. Finally take a shower, but just put on robe/check livingsocial for daily deal/buy deal/check more deals/get in touch with photographer who has another deal on livingsocial/talk to Mr. T/get halfway dressed/kiss Mr. T goodbye. I’m still not all the way dressed. No brush teeth. No dinner started like I need to. Blog post STILL isn’t done. Did I mention I’m supposed to have plans with a friend/make hummus/grilled pizza crust for dinner/train client/take kid to doctor/and leave for the weekend today? It’s 10am.

The crazy thing is that on a day like to day I’ll actually get all of this shit done and more. I’m still  halfway dressed and haven’t brushed my teeth. I make fun of the teenager because she always runs out of the house with no shoes on. She can’t put her shoes on before she leaves the house because she’s the same way.

I like it. I hate it. It’s what makes me who I am. It’s the best part of me and the worst part all tied into one awesome package called Tex.

I’d like to keep patting myself on the back, but I need to get dressed/brush my teeth/make pizza dough/hummus. Oh yeah- and eat breakfast. I haven’t eaten yet. I’m hungry. Maybe I should do that first.

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You might think a new post showed up for you to read about how many believe or something like that. It didn’t. You didn’t see what you think you saw. Those of you who get email notifications of this blog- don’t worry. You either got to read something REEEEELY good, or you missed it. (OK, it wasn’t really that good. It was just-whatever)

I’ll be back tomorrow with a fantastic story complete with pictures about how I once participated in an orgy. Now THAT’s a good story.


*no orgies real or imagined ever happened in Tex’s life.