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Tex Commando

I'm not angry, just outspoken

Tag Archives: inspiration

She said she would do it.

Then her laptop died. I offered her mine. Nope. Not good enough.

THEN, she said she wouldn’t do it until the boxes were all gone.

 

POOF!

They’re gone.

SO WHERE’S THE BLOG POST!?!?! 

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Change sucks.  Even good change.

900 square feet is enough until you add children.

College is hard. I think this is one of the reasons I stopped doing it.

I fucking love science. Who am I?

I have a favorite element – H. Can you guess why? (Brandi, you can’t answer)

It’s a good thing that I have a psychiatrist who thinks Ritalin is a good treatment for my ADHD otherwise I’d never get all this reading done.

A good BLF can make everything better.

People surprise and amaze me every day. That’s usually a good thing.

Thursday night is my new favorite night. I didn’t have one before, so I guess technically, it’s just my favorite night.

I haven’t gotten up from this chair in several hours. I think my ass might be fused to the cushion.

I should probably eat lunch.

Ok. That’s it. I am outta here.

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Who the hell IS she anyway? And why do we care how she got her groove back?

I don’t give a shit about her, but I do know one thing-

20121123-180308.jpgI’M BACK!!

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I’m doing it! Over the past week, I have:

  • completed 7 yoga classes over the past 9 days. I am unofficially doing a 60 day challenge. That’s 90 hours of yoga in two months. I don’t know if I’ll actually do that much, but at this point, I have done more over the past week than I have done over the past two months. I’ll consider this first week a WIN!
  • cooked delicious Indian food. I used at least 3,000 bowls, dishes, pans, spoons, and measuring cups to make  Makhani Chicken, basmati rice, and  Naan. If you decide to make it, marinate the chicken like this and cook the sauce like the first recipe using the first suggestion. Also, this tastes even better the second day, so double the recipe like I did, and eat it for several days. I decided that I’ll focus on a different country/cuisine per month. I already have a request for Chinese next month. Do you mofos have a  suggestion?
  • plans to try to make a new friend. This girl and I from yoga talked some over the summer, and we lost touch because of my absence from yoga over the past several months. I saw her this morning, and I decided this afternoon that I’m going to try to make a new friend. She’s cool, and we seem to get along pretty well. We were both happy to see each other and catch up. It’s fucking weird to try to make a new friend. What do you say? “Hi, I’m Tex, will you be my friend?” Oh to be six again…
  • not had too many more ‘gasms over the past week. Why? I’ll have to discuss that with the Mr., and possibly work on some ‘self exploration’ while he’s gone for the week.

All in all, I’ve had a pretty good first week of the year. My evil plot to get my fellow apostate knitting best local maryland friend to the yarn store is going to come to fruition tomorrow. I’m looking forward to that. (Don’t you love all of the damned qualifiers?)

My littlest girl and I have started a nightly tradition of connect four. I plan to groom her to  actually be able to challenge me one day.  Mimi has even gotten into the nightly action. It’s a good alternative to planting them in front of the TV while I ignore them.

How was your first week?

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I started my knitting club today for the 4th and 5th graders in my daughter’s school. At first, I was a little disappointed that only two children signed up for it besides my own. Then I thought about EVERY other time that I invited a lot of people to something and only a few showed up- it has always turned out better. I’m always glad that only a few people showed. It’s the same thing for today.

I taught three little girls how to cast on and knit. They were so cute and enthusiastic! It was so hard to teach three of them, I’m sure I would have been crazy if I had ten. I’m sure the word will spread. I’m sure more kids will be interested. When they are, I’ll be ready for them.

I can’t wait to see the finished products. They are going to knit scarves that will be donated to a local charity that they choose. Excellent.

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…then I will assume some things about you.

1. You are open minded.

2. You don’t rely on the church to tell you what to think.

3. You realize that everyone has their own story and what works for you might not work for other people, and that’s OK.

4. It’s possible this blog is a ‘guilty pleasure’ because I cuss, drink, and I used to be mormon and am not afraid to admit it. (Seriously, I typed moron at first. It was not intentional. I still am a moron- just ask Brandi)

Now, read this post by Eliza.

I’m not trying to push any of my mofos off the precipice. I really do just want you to be happy. I want you to be confident in your decisions. I want you to stop worrying about what ‘everyone’ will say, think, and do. Stop living in fear. There truly is happiness once you let go of the fear.

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There’s nothing to be ashamed of.

It’s perfectly fine if you have to take medicine to be able to function the way everybody else does.

You haven’t done anything wrong.

It’s something that has contributed to what makes you the wonderful person you are.

I love you no matter what.

Those are all things I told my soon-to-be 16 year old daughter two years ago when I was trying to get her to see a doctor because I was pretty positive she had ADHD. I meant every single one of those words I told her. I still mean them. For her.

I’m a different story. Let me back up to the day I went to the bookstore with Mr. T to get a book about ADHD. He asked me if I was getting the book for myself. No. I’m getting it for our daughter. Why? Do you think I need it? Sometimes.

I tucked that conversation away to a part of my brain I don’t use very much (the part that is organized), and decided to focus on getting my daughter the help she needed.

Not too long ago, she started taking medication for ADHD. It has come with its fair share of complications, but for the first time EVER she was able to focus in school, complete tasks, and feel smart and successful. She even ended the year on the honor roll. I felt so happy for her. And jealous.

I’m ashamed to admit that I was jealous of my 16 year old daughter. I was jealous because she was succeeding in school, something I very much didn’t do. I was the kid who frustrated every teacher because I didn’t apply myself. If I would only do my homework, I’d get an A in the class. “Yes, Mr. English Teacher, I understand that if I don’t complete that research paper, I’ll fail English and have to take it in summer school.” I did summer school two summers in a row. I was the smartest kid in summer school. I knew I was smart. My friends in chemistry class would laugh at me because I unintentionally MEMORIZED the periodic table. I could pass notes all during math class, and even sometimes snooze in class, then raise my hand and solve the equation that the ‘smart’ kids didn’t know. My only A’s were in JROTC and Spanish. I barely graduated.  No wonder I joined the Army and was a Spanish linguist.

I’m also jealous of my dear husband. Did you know that in less than three months, he will be retired from the Army? Did you know that he has had no less than 6 (probably more) firm job offers? Did you know that he’s known as the guy who gets shit done? He’s the kind of person who makes a list and keeps it and refers to it and keeps referring to it until he has crossed everything off of the list no matter how long it takes. He is a do-er. I love him. I love that about him. I hate that about myself because I’m exactly the opposite.

I get a brilliant idea. I am enthusiastic about it. I share that idea with people. They, too agree that it’s a fantastic idea. I make a plan to accomplish the brilliant idea. I start moving on the idea. I talk about it. I do it. I love doing the idea. Until I don’t. I don’t do the idea anymore. Or I forget about it. Or I realize it was a hard idea that will make me work harder than I had anticipated and I get overwhelmed and don’t know how to continue. This happens all the time. I always get in the way of my brilliant ideas. The jealous of my husband part? I could be successful too. I’m smart enough. It’s not fair that I’m not and he is.

I usually have  no less than 10 things in my head that I need to do. Call this person to set up an appointment for that thing. Fix that broken thing.Eat lunch. Wash the clothes. Cancel that. Start this. And in the middle of all that, there’s my iPhone, laptop, facebook, blogs, books, knitting, kids, husband, pets, TV shows- all requesting my attention.

For the past 13 years, I have been able to use kids as my excuse for not getting much done. You people all have kids. You know how they are. As soon as you sit down to take a shit, someone needs something. The difference is that you still remember to shit after you’ve finished taking care of whatever the kid needed. With all my kids in school I have no more excuses. Time to face the facts.

I secretly went to a psychologist that specializes in adult ADD. It was one of the hardest things ever to make that phone call. When I talked to the doctor, it was the first time I had ever spoken those words out loud. I’m crying right now as I write them. It’s sad and frustrating to think about how different my life could have been if I had been diagnosed and treated when I was a child/teenager/young adult. It’s comforting to know that I have gotten my daughter the help she needs.

Mr. T knows. He reacted the exact way I knew he would. He hugged me, told me he was proud of me for seeking help. I’m not sure how I will deal with this yet. I guess I’ll keep you posted.

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