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Tex Commando

I'm not angry, just outspoken

Tag Archives: wine

Ok, so I know how to take turns. Brandi writes. Then I write, then she writes again. Not to give too much information (like, really? Me? TMI?), but art should imitate life.

B knows what I mean.

So, I’ll write ONE decent post to your….UMMMMMM…. eight.

Deal? Deal.

You have seven more to go before it’s my turn again. Art. Imitating. Life.


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It’s the time of the year where a million friends get together for a week of fun and food and sand and fires and nakedness and drinking. Ok, well not everyone gets naked and drunk. Ok, to be fair, the nakedness was in the dark. Wait. That doesn’t sound better does it? UMMMMM……nevermind.

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Everyone should have a B. What’s so great about having a B, you ask? I’ll tell you. That’s why I am sitting here NOT eating my pita chips and hummus and NOT drinking my wine. So I can tell you.

  • A good B will challenge the fuck out of you. If you’re lucky. My B always keeps me on my toes. I can’t NOT be excellent or at least want to be excellent when I am around My B. 
  • A good B will encourage you like there’s no tomorrow. Any B worth a shit will encourage you and encourage you and help you feel like you can conquer the world.
  • A good B will make you laugh at your ridiculousness AND be ridiculous right along with you. When My B and I are sharing the same space, there is always much laughing. Sometimes so much laughing that my face hurts. That’s the BEST!
  • A good B will communicate. How else would someone like ME know how to treat a B like mine? Communication.
  • A good B will accept you, freckles, scars, and all. B appreciates what’s inside. B sees what’s in your heart. B accepts all of it and finds beauty in it.

Ok. So there you have it. Do you have a B?  What does your B do for YOU?

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I have been trying to see how long I can go without blogging. I blame Brandi for ruining my streak because since she linked this blog to her latest blog post about boobs, naked hot-tubbing, and being licked by yours truly, I feel the need to give you all something current to read.

So, I had a great time at BGW. Although this one didn’t have drag queens or strippers, and the only gams there were my own, and no one accidentally got drunk (they were all intentional), I must say this one was the best.

Once again, I discovered that the things that annoy me about my friends are more annoying when I spend 7 days with them. I’m sure the feeling was reciprocal. AND that the people I thought would annoy me the most weren’t annoying at all. They were delightfully wonderful.

I learned that I like being french and subsisting on wine, cheese, and crusty bread. I actually do it well.

 I discovered that I am a ‘sister lover’. As much as I love my girlfriends, I love their sisters too. Who else has a sister that I can steal?

I look ridiculous with gigantic boobs.

Brandi’s cheek tastes perfumey.

14 women in a house for a week can come up with some crazy shit.

I can’t wait to see all you mofos naked again next year!



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It’s big,

it’s loud,

it’s the GREAT WOLF LODGE!!!

There are kids running around everywhere. Kids that are followed by exhausted adults dragging ass behind them. Or spaced-out exhausted parents sitting around while their kids run from floor to floor doing their magic quest scavenger hunts. That’s what’s happening in the hallways outside the gigantic indoor water park.

Inside the water park it’s hot, humid, and heavily chlorinated. The chlorine is so strong that it burns your eyeballs and nostrils. Yeah, you end up blind and can’t breathe, but at least you don’t have to worry about playing in water that’s crawling with microorganisms that will give you the cruddy crud. The water slides are pretty awesome. I got to play last night, but I didn’t get to splash in toxic water today because I spent all day today finishing up my christmas presents. I will have a chance to play tomorrow.

That’s all for now. I have to drink some wine. I worked up a thirst with all of that vigorous knitting I did today.

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  • for meaningful friendships that allow me to be myself without fear of rejection or judgement regardless of my religious beliefs
  • for red wine and fancy craft beer
  • for being the ‘godless and immoral’ one who is almost always the voice of reason
  • for guiltless, dirty, awesome sex
  • for the courage to leave the church
  • for being truly happy for the first time in my life (yeah. happiness is a real thing even for apostates)
  • for having an ENTIRE EXTRA DAY to do family fun stuff/shopping/work/relaxing
  • for being able to show off my awesome shoulders in sleeveless shirts and dresses
  • for shedding the baggage that makes me feel guilty/sinful for wearing a bikini this summer
  • for Bailey’s in my coffee
  • for being the Honorable Queen Bishop to my FMWAs

Anyone else out there who needs the support of friends when you feel like you have no where else you can go to be supported in your radical/immoral/apostate ideas? Hit me up. I have just the place for you.



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There’s this thing going around on the face book. It’s this thing called a ‘family reunion’. It’s a ward family reunion. See, my old ward was pretty transient. People would come for a couple of years then move to another state or even another country. It was a military ward. Every two years or so, it would be a whole ‘nother group of people in the ward. There were a few ‘old timers’, the people who had been there for 4 or more years, but for the most part, it turned over pretty regularly. People lose touch. They want to reconnect. A group is formed. Great idea. I often wondered about some of those people I knew way back when.

I loved this ward. Until I didn’t. Lots of people loved this ward. Until they didn’t. Lots of people loved the church. You get it. The funny thing is, I personally know a few (or more) people who were in this ward who no longer consider themselves Mormon.

So, I thought it would be silly brilliant appropriate to create a group that took into account the fact that there are family members that might not be represented. The apostates. I hate that word, BTW. Can we call it something different? Suggestions? I felt like the apostates were disenfranchised.

So, Tex, being the ever-inclusive, did something about it. (Yeah, 3rd person. My ego is that big)

I created a secret group for the apostates. Have you seen it? No? OF COURSE NOT! IT’S SECRET, REMEMBER?! No one but the members of the group know who’s in the group.You might be surprised who shares your feelings. No one will say anything to anyone. It’s a safe place to be yourself.

Safe. No one will threaten to divorce you. No one will yell at you. No one will shun you or discourage you from ‘having questions’.  We ask each other questions. Thought-provoking questions that don’t have easy answers.

You mofos know how to get in touch with me. If you don’t know how to specifically, you know someone who knows someone who can get in touch with me. Let me know if you want to be counted. You’ll be counted among the family of apostates, the small (but ever growing) group of people who no longer – well, blah blah blah. If you’re an apostate and you know it, clap your hands!

…in the name of Her Honorable Queen Bishop ‘Tex’ the Benevolent, drink wine.

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