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Tex Commando

“I'm not angry, just outspoken”

Category Archives: Tex has real feelings

May 8, 2014 BOOH(bah)

Do you remember it? All I remember was a trippy kids show that really was worse than Teletubbies. I also remember my brother got Mimi one for her birthday or Christmas or something like that, and I was so mad at him because it was annoying as FUCK! It lit up and danced and made noises.(Ya know, the kind of toy your younger brother gets your kid to make you regret the years of torment you inflicted on him as children.)

 

So, of course I gave it away.

Remember, your kid loved it and would play with it every time you came over. I relished in the fact that YOU would get to enjoy it and I wouldn’t have to anymore.

(Did you pass it on to some other kid whose stressed out mom had to listen to it?)

I haven’t thought about those days in close to 10 years. Those were the days when I was a “good example” (of what?). Those were the days when I knew it all. I knew what to think, what to do, how to behave, who to love, where I belonged, what my role as a woman was, who my friends were, and how to speak to them when I wanted to – I KNEW!

Now? I don’t know it all anymore. I know a lot, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t know EVERYTHING like I used to.

Want to know something? Don’t watch this video. Seriously. Don’t watch it. Otherwise, you’ll hate me all over again just like you did that time almost ten years ago.

 

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December 1, 2013 “How long have you two been together?”

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When you’ve been BFF’s with someone for years, then have an illicit relationship with them and then end up living together, how do you decide when your anniversary is?

Do you base it on when SHE realized that she loved you?

Or, when YOU realized that you loved her?

Or is it when you told her that you loved her?

Or maybe it was the first time you kissed?  

Or when you told your friends you were ‘together’? But which friend was the first one to know?

But, what about all the friends who ‘knew’ before you did? Do you take that into consideration?

Or is it when you told your blog?

Or Facebook?

Either way, it has been an amazing, difficult, exciting, challenging, enlightening, fantastic , +/- year!

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August 2, 2013 Chocolate and Vanilla Swirl

We miss our friend. Whereisshe?

Speaking of elephants, that platter is adorable. It also caused a mini disagreement in our happy household. It’s all good NOW. I won’t even THINK about using it. EVER.

We don’t go out too often, but when we do we tell them it’s a party of three. (no we don’t. but I will next time.)

No, you don’t understand. LOOK AT THE PICTURE!!!!!!!

The Dancing Hawaiians greet us every time we come inside our room. They told us to say hi.

PENIS! (we may want to think about changing that word)

Love you.

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June 28, 2013 My turn

Ok, so I know how to take turns. Brandi writes. Then I write, then she writes again. Not to give too much information (like, really? Me? TMI?), but art should imitate life.

B knows what I mean.

So, I’ll write ONE decent post to your….UMMMMMM…. eight.

Deal? Deal.

You have seven more to go before it’s my turn again. Art. Imitating. Life.

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May 29, 2013 Today is the day of the great BM

This is the best day EVER! Well, maybe not the BEST best, but it ranks pretty high up on the list. Like, in the the top ten. The best part about today is that My Brandi will be here tonight.

It’ll be so nice to just get to talk to her when I want to. I’ll get to hold her hand, and take walks, and see her smile in real life. There won’t be a need anymore for me to send late night, half asleep goodnight video messages. I’ll be able to tell her, IN PERSON, that thing I tell her every morning. Even better, she will be able to tell me that thing she tells me every morning. IN PERSON!!

I don’t know what more there is to say. I’m happy.

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May 23, 2013 Realization #2

My hope is that I’ll get it all out of the way in advance of her arrival. That might not happen, though. What might end up happening is that momentum thing that I talked about a few months ago. Maybe I’ll get rolling talking about my Ladyfriend Lovergirl and not be able to stop. Oh well, that’s a risk I’m willing to take.

#2 is a realization I had back in February. It caused a minor mental crisis until my oh-so-candid friends talked me down off the ledge. Now, after having realization #1, this one is in my mind once again. Are you tired of all the lead-up to my crazy thoughts? Welcome to my head.

I’m going to get to see and talk to best friend in the whole wide world whom I love spending time with and we will be living in the same house and I’ll get to see her WHENEVER I WANT!!!

This is a good thing! I can honestly say that there has never been a time that I haven’t loved spending time with Brandi. (Well, there was that one time at the park when our kids were little, but that doesn’t count.) There is never a dull moment when we are together. Now, with love involved, our moments are even better.

Are you wondering where the need to talk me down off the freak out ledge comes in?

I have other friends too. I do fun, impromptu things with them on the days there are no children at home with me. Things like drunk knitting with my Wednesday ladies. Or sushi. Or inviting myself over to a friend’s house when she tells me she is cooking latkes. Or a day trip to go yarn shopping (don’t laugh at me, I love this kinda thing) Still don’t see the problem?

Am I going to keep doing that? Of course I won’t always just run off with my friends. I will have a relationship to maintain. The problem is that I don’t see myself doing anything but staying home with Brandi. I see myself always choosing to spend time with her. I see the potential to get completely wrapped up in Brandi and losing Tex.

This has everything to do with how intense my feelings for her are. I’m sure the fact that we have always lived so far away from each other and only saw each other once or twice a year for so many years has something to do with it too. I know the ‘honeymoon’ will end. Eventually we will get used to being able to see and talk to each other IN PERSON. EVERYDAY. Life will become normal. The intensity will wane.

But I don’t want it to.

So, promise me something. Will you?

Promise me that if I don’t hang out with you for awhile you won’t be mad at me. Promise me that you will keep trying to include me in things even if I say no for a few months. Promise me that you will tell me if I am neglecting you. Also, promise me that you won’t think it’s weird if Brandi hangs out with us too. She’s an excellent person. You’ll love her. AND?! She doesn’t drink. I have my own built-in DD.

OK, that’s it. Today I get the keys to our place. I can’t wait!!!

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May 23, 2013 realization #1

In anticipation to The Great BM, I decided that I’ll post some realizations that I have each day about how life will change around the NewCommando household. I know life will certainly become more complicated and challenging with our modern-day Brady Bunch dynamic, but I’m talking about the little things. The tiny details that directly affect ME and how I do MY normal everyday things.

Internet time

Our entire relationship has evolved on the internet. At least we knew each other in real life before we became an online sensation. But a lot of our interaction has been public. In blog comments, re-hashed text messages, and facebook conversations, the world (you mofos) has had a peek into our friendship. I see that part of us coming to an end. Soon, we will LIVE together. (SEVEN!!!) We won’t have to comment and poke and banter online and in public where peoples may know. Not like we have to do it now, but we just do.

But what about MY morning facebook time? Every once in a great while, I have a couple of hours when I don’t have to go anywhere or do anything. I get to have incredibly inappropriate and awesome conversations with my step-brother-in-law about the significance of the number seven. Oddly enough, Brandi sometimes has mornings that she doesn’t have other stuff to do, and SHE is on facebook too. I realized this morning, that if there are hours when both of us has nothing else to do WE WON’T BE ON FACEBOOK. Now is when you allow your imagination to wander.

But there’s more. I am kind of the kind of person who likes to be fully participating in conversations with people when they are in front of me. I don’t like it when we are chillin and you have your phone out and are texting unless it’s actually important. Don’t be doing shit on your phone when WE are supposed to be spending time together. HUGE PET PEEVE!!!!  Also, I refuse to be one of those people who is sitting next to their mate and on separate computers and having conversations about shit and commenting on each other’s shit on facebook while they’re together!!!! Maybe we should just combine facebook accounts. Brandianne Teixeira Douglass sounds horrible. BM Douglass Teixeira? Eh, better I guess.

NOT!!!!

The point is, I will force her to have to sneak to the bathroom and get online while she’s taking a shit. Which we all know she won’t do because, ew. GERMS!!! That’s how all of you will know she’s in the bathroom. When you see Brandi on facebook, it means she is using the bathroom. Because otherwise, I will be monopolizing her time by making her hold my hand and gaze into my eyes and kiss me.

Yes, you read that right.

HER ONLY REPRIEVE FROM GIVING ME HER UNDIVIDED ATTENTION IS TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. 

That’s totally normal, isn’t it?

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May 10, 2013 Meeting my old self

For some reason, I started reading old blog posts from The Other blog. Then Brandi read more and told me about it. Then I read more this morning. And more and more and more. So, here are a few that I thought were particularly excellent. They are in no particular order. Read the comments too. Most of the fun happens in the comments.

The Definition of Marianne

This never got a chance to happen. (read the comments) I need to do this. I need to kick the shit talker’s ass in June. Maybe I’ll give her a week to get settled before I crush her.

Guess what we did today. It’s a many-times-a-year thing. I can’t wait to take Brandi and her kids.

I used to cook like a motherfucker. I even posted RECIPES. I need banana cake now. And ohmyfuckinggod spaghetti and meatballs , I forgot about this one!!!

This is about the time in the life of Cookies 4 Breakfast when I start to really crack myself up. It’s also when I am in the process of losing a dear friendship. It’s also when another better friendship starts to REALLY take shape. It’s about a month into TexCommando. Only a couple more links, and I’ll be done. I promise.

When Jesus Attacks, that asshole Jesus is always fucking my shit up.

The last line STILL cracks me up (you must read this one)

Brandi is at least 13 out of the 18 that I listed. She was before she became the love of my life, and she still is (plus more that I won’t torture you all with).

What do you think? Did I miss anything?

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May 2, 2013 Hey baby, you come here often?

So, what’s new?

Nothing much here.

Unless you want to call kicking ass in all three of the -ology classes I’m taking, working, being mom, maintaining a long distance relationship, getting ready to move, and knitting, nothing.

Oh! Did I mention that I’m going to start doing yoga again, too?

It’s stressful and exciting. If I think about it too much I get overwhelmed, but it’s exciting so I think about it. So then I get stressed, and excited all over again. (It’s hard living inside my head sometimes)

And the long distance relationship thing. It fucking sucks. I don’t  know how people can do this long-term. I can hardly make it through the next four weeks. Shit! The next four hours would be too long. UGH.

I’m a tiny bit obsessed with talking about Brandi to my coworkers anyone who are my captive audience will listen. By tiny, I mean a tiny bit of my conversations are about anything but My B.

Soooooo… since you are still reading, AND I mentioned Brandi, allow me to tell you a few things about her.

  • Did you know that My Brandi is a writer? Of course you knew that. OF COURSE you knew about her blog. What? You didn’t know that she has one? It’s imperative that you stop what you’re doing RIGHT THIS MINUTE and get over there. Give yourself a few hours (days) and read every post and every comment. Oh. My. God. I don’t go back and re-read things I have already read, but I was doing it tonight, and I laughed out loud at least eighty million times. She’s funny. And I’m not saying that because I love her. Start here, at the grocery store. Next, take a trip to your local YMCA. If you don’t LOL, you are a humorless idiot who shouldn’t be allowed to breathe . (I could link you to a ton of these awesome gems of hilarity, but I need to get on with this homage to My Brandi so I can call her.)
  • She is a smart lady. She knows things. Not only does she know things, she can have intelligent, thought-provoking conversations about things. All kinds of things. Next time you see her, ask her about something controversial like, euthanasia or late-term abortion. You’re sure to have an interesting conversation.
  • She is a good listener. For some reason, people feel safe talking to her. I know I do. I always have. Maybe it goes back to her being smart and able to carry on thoughtful conversations. But she’s open minded and doesn’t judge (much).
  • She has the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever had the pleasure to gaze into. That fact is true. You can see for yourself next time you see her. But the real truth behind this fact is that she has turned me into a mushy ball of mush. This one isn’t so much about her as it is about what she has done to me. Love letters? Check. Paper chains with little messages written on them counting down significant events? Check. Sweet goodnight video messages every night before I go to sleep? Check. Songs that make me cry tears of happiness because they describe perfectly how I feel about My Brandi? Check. And I have only scratched the surface on this one.

I guess the point of this whole thing is to say that I’m doing fine. Life is hectic, but exciting. I miss My Brandi.

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April 6, 2013 Is it REALLY that big of a deal

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Am I naive? I don’t think so. Clueless sometimes, but not naive. I understand that people might have an issue with the same sex thing, but race? That surprises me.

It’s not like we are going to reproduce. Wrong equipment, and all. Not that there’s anything wrong with a colored and a white reproducing. I mean, HELLO! Have you met me?!

It seriously blows my mind how people think their opinion about someone else’s relationship matters. It’s so funny that knowing two people are totally HAPPY AND IN FUCKING LOVE upsets some people so much. Ummmmm, excuse me? Did I invite you to WATCH?

No? THEN MIND YOUR OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS.

(For the record, no one is invited to watch)