Tag Archives: Willy Wonka
March 8, 2013 Graceful?
I am not.
I try to be.
Time and place? I usually can handle it. It’s easier if I am not completely comfortable. Watch out if I am comfortable though. The more outspoken and silly I get, the more I like you. Do we hug regularly?If so, it means that I like you enough to not be afraid of smelling you (I’m weird about smelling people). And if I banter with you, that means I love you.
Sensible? Some people think so. I usually am. I usually can control my impulses and think things through. I try to hold my tongue and be respectful. I DO talk shit sometimes, but doesn’t everyone?
That graceful thing? It’s not always easy when you have something super important and life-altering to talk about. Sometimes you have to just lay it all out there and work backward. That’s what I have been doing for the past two months. That’s what I want to do, and it’s taking all of my good sense and self control to NOT do that. Right now. UGH!!!
I know I am being super vague. I mostly am writing this for myself. You all just get to read my thoughts. Lucky you.
Tags: Blog, Relationships, stupid, Willy Wonka
- 1 comment
- Posted under blogging, Rant-O-Rama, Tex has real feelings
October 19, 2011 I’m not being unreasonable. I’m just right.
Some things that get my panties in a wad:
- When my kids behave like assholes while we are on the way to do something fun. FOR THEM.
- When someone gets mad at me because of the consequences of THEIR DECISION.
- When I am trying to give someone something and I feel like I am the one jumping through hoops. Not that I expect them to bow down to me and kiss my ass. I’ll do what I can (within reason), but I’m not going to put myself out just to give you something. FOR FREE.
- When I have a lot of very important things to do, like listen to my favorite podcasts, and my kids insist on talking to me.
- When I’m being bitchy and irrational and I hate everyone in the world and I can’t bear to hear one more child’s voice or even open my mouth to say even one little word and they JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!!!!
Tags: anger management, Mental Health, Namaste, Willy Wonka
- 6 comments
- Posted under Rant-O-Rama, Tex has real feelings
September 19, 2011 If you’re a Mormon and you read this blog…
…then I will assume some things about you.
1. You are open minded.
2. You don’t rely on the church to tell you what to think.
3. You realize that everyone has their own story and what works for you might not work for other people, and that’s OK.
4. It’s possible this blog is a ‘guilty pleasure’ because I cuss, drink, and I used to be mormon and am not afraid to admit it. (Seriously, I typed moron at first. It was not intentional. I still am a moron- just ask Brandi)
I’m not trying to push any of my mofos off the precipice. I really do just want you to be happy. I want you to be confident in your decisions. I want you to stop worrying about what ‘everyone’ will say, think, and do. Stop living in fear. There truly is happiness once you let go of the fear.
Tags: honest, inspiration, Willy Wonka
- 3 comments
- Posted under Tex has real feelings, Tex on religion
September 14, 2011 Perfect
If the line at Marshall’s wasn’t so shitty, I would have bought this t-shirt. But since I did’t feel like being there for an extra hour, I decided to just take a picture of myself in the store wearing the best t-shirt EVER. I might go back tomorrow morning and give them my $5.
It might be a slight exaggeration. By everybody, I mean my mofos. You people are everybody to me.
Tags: Blog, fantastic, Shopping, Willy Wonka
- 3 comments
- Posted under blogging, The History of Tex
June 29, 2011 Show someone you care
You just never know what people are dealing with in their lives. I know we all have shit, the stinky muck that makes our lives hard to deal with, and we all handle our shit differently. Every once in a while someone will tell you about the shit they’re carrying around.
As a personal trainer, people come to me when they’re desperate enough for a change that they’re willing to spend lots of money for my help. They’ve tried or haven’t tried or don’t know how to try to get moving to lose weight. They feel like shit, the sluggish and sticky mess that comes from years of inactivity, look like shit, a soft mess of flesh and bones, and treat themselves like shit with the self-loathing and ugly stories they tell themselves. Unfortunately for some (most) people, even spending hundreds of dollars isn’t enough. They think it’s enough to meet with me once a week. What they don’t realize that they still have to work on their own. What they don’t expect is that I will call them out on that shit, the lies they try to tell me about how they are working out on their own, because I can tell when they are making the extra effort.
I don’t like excuses. Hmmm, let me rephrase that. I won’t accept their excuses. I like excuses. I use them all the time. I’m pretty good at using excuses. But you know what? I can. I’m not 40 lbs overweight. Besides looking awesome in a mini skirt, being skinny means that you can afford to make the occasional excuse. HOWEVER, I ask the hard questions and also have plenty of solutions. That’s a good thing about being a know-it-all, a person who knows everything. (How am I doing, Rena?)
This morning, when I asked my client why she’s not doing her ‘homework’, the classes and workouts I gave her to do on her own between sessions, she practically broke down in tears. She started listing all of these familiar symptoms. And when I asked her if she’s depressed, she could barely squeak out an answer. This, mofos, is what I live for! Not making people cry. You assholes know that I’m too nice for that. The cat’s out of the bag already. I’m a caring bitch. I live for helping people. I live for being a friend and a motivator to my clients. I live for the opportunity to help someone transform into something they never thought possible.
So, I’m trying a new approach. I’m sure it’s just ‘new to me’. I hope it’ll work. I’m going to send her personalized reminders throughout the week. I’ll send her a reminder to pack her gym bag and get it in the car so she can workout right after work. I’ll check in with her to make sure she’s doing her at-home workout over the weekend.
I hope my efforts will make a difference in her life to not only to get physically healthy again, but emotionally healthy too. I know with depression, sometimes just knowing that someone else in the world cares about you can make a huge difference. Don’t worry- I do not think I am a substitute for psychiatric care. I encouraged her to see a psychiatrist and start getting treated by a trained mental health professional, and I will continue to encourage her to do that until she sees one.
But DAMN! I am excited! The look on her face said it all. I am doing EXACTLY what I need to be doing right now.
Tags: ass, Depression, Exercise, inspiration, Willy Wonka
- 6 comments
- Posted under Don't just exercise...Texercise!, Tex has real feelings
May 23, 2011 hissy fit
That’s what I threw this weekend. It’s actually still going on a little bit.
I know, I know, it’s a bit passive agressive/manipulative. But what mother out there hasn’t ‘done’ passive agressive/manipulative at one time or another?
I’m feeling quite under appreciated lately. My kids are sassy and ungrateful. They won’t clean up after themselves without my constant reminders, and even then they do a half-assed job. They’re bickery and prickly and can’t/won’t get along with each other except to gang up on another kid.
I’ve had my limit.
I’m positive it’s all my fault. I’m sure that if we had regular family prayer and scripture study and family home evening, we would be totally cool, right? If I was following the lord’s commandments, then my children would all get along perfectly and there would be no conflict and the entire family would walk around the house whistling hymns. OK, maybe that was laying it on a little thick and unnecessary but whatever. I’m leaving it in.
So, I created The Common Enemy. I’m it. I figure that if they won’t fight each other if I’m walking around being The Queen Bitch. The thing that sucks about it is that I’m not usually such a bitch. I’m usually pretty smiley. And I like to laugh. The Common Enemy doesn’t laugh and smile. At. Anyone. Not even to Dad. So poor Mr. T gets the totally suck end of the stick.
The upside? All of the little brats are nice to each other and kiss my ass so I won’t bite their scrawny little heads off. They are picking up after themselves, and putting their dirty dishes in the dishwasher. The ACTUAL dishwasher. They are cooking together AND cleaning up the mess without me telling them to do so.
The downside? (crickets chirping)
Beuller?
Beuller?
Anyone?
Anyone?
Oh, yeah- Mr. T is left holding the ball. And it’s hard on him. And it’s not fair that he has to deal with my grown-ass adult tantrum. That’s what it has been. I must get over it.
But damn! It’s nice to be able to make them do what I want them to do. Things they’re SUPPOSED TO DO ANYWAYS!! Shit. Does anyone have any advice?
Tags: anger management, Mr. Tex, Queen Bitch, Willy Wonka
- 8 comments
- Posted under Rant-O-Rama, Tex has real feelings
May 20, 2011 I think my vagina is mad at me
Haha. Just wanted to get your attention.
Actually, I really do think it’s mad at me. However, at the risk of putting Too Much Information out here for you mofos, I’m going to refrain from the rage against my vagina.
Instead, I’ll tell you about my quiche. Seriously, quiche. Do you people like quiche? I love it! I made one the other night, because I had tons of spinach that had about two more days left before it turned to slime. I also had some other veggies that needed to be used, so I decided to turn it into a quiche. Why don’t I make more of these things?!?
For real, why not? They’re super cheap to make. I always have the basic ingredients on hand- random fresh veggies, cheese, eggs, milk, flour, shortening, water, salt, pepper, other spices. All it takes is a little bit of time to make the pie crust and chop the veggies. Wednesday night’s quiche was perfect because the five year-old chopped the veggies, and the teenager made the pie crust. All I had to do was put it all together.
Since I didn’t have an actual recipe, I wasn’t sure how much it was going to make. I ended up getting two pies. Score! Did I mention that my kids WILL EAT VEGGIES-ANY VEGGIE IF IT’S COOKED IN PIE FORM?
They’re not the only ones who will eat anything cooked in a pie. Have you ever had a meat pie?
Tags: anger management, Cooking, delicious, Food, Vagina, Willy Wonka
- 3 comments
- Posted under Rant-O-Rama, Tex on cooking
May 17, 2011 It Actually Makes Me Want to Throw Acid in My Eyes
Mutilated Butter
It could ONLY be worse if there were crumbs in it, and if you look closely at approximately 2 o’clock, you’ll see a neat collection of crumbs. Wasn’t that considerate of the culprit to confine his/her crumbs to such a small package? Notice that the rim is fairly clean? That’s only because I wiped around it in order to put the cover on. I must have lost at least two tablespoons around the rim. Needless to say, I have my own container/don’t use margarine.
That’s my major beef for the morning, but it did get me thinking about other things that burn my ass lately. Allow me to share:
When I go out of my way to cook breakfast for my kids -meaning that I got up early and dirtied the kitchen for them- and they piss and moan about how the toast is too crunchy, or the eggs don’t have enough cheese in them, or how there’s not enough blueberries in the pancakes, or how they didn’t want JUST banana muffins, but they wanted chocolate chips in the muffins too, bitch, bitch, bitch. Isn’t it enough that I even thought about making them ANYTHING?!?! Why can’t they just recognize that I put myself out to make them something that they, in most cases, asked for? It’s not like I get up early and bake shit all of the time, so they shouldn’t be used to it. Little fuckers.
And since I’m talking about food- I must share a recent dinner experience. I don’t quite remember what I cooked, except that it was fairly involved. It required a considerable amount of ingredients and creativity. I put a lot of thought into the meal. My kids are used to eating good food, or they at least have been exposed to good food. Also, if my cooking tastes like shit, I’ll admit it. This meal wasn’t shitty. Immediately, the three youngest started to protest. Loudly. Rudely. It was as if I dug food out of the trash and plated it up and forced them to eat maggots. Those little assholes were so rude and inconsiderate. Not only was I pissed that they were calling my cooking gross when it wasn’t, but they went on and on whining about the fact that they had to even TASTE everything! I know I raised these asses better than that. What about being polite? Gracious? KEEPING YOUR FUCKING RUDE OPINIONS TO YOURSELF?!?!!
Things like that make me think that I am cooking for them too much, and need to dial it back to frozen pizzas and spaghetti. Maybe they’d appreciate a few fresh vegetables better if I did that. Naah, probably not.
There are more things, I’m sure. I can’t think of more that are really worth sharing. Well, I can actually think of more things, but the morning is wearing on, and I must get around to some laundry before it consumes me. Do you think if I drank wine all day, I’d be more effective or less effective at getting my shitty house cleaned today?
Tags: anger management, delicious, Food, Willy Wonka, wine
- 7 comments
- Posted under Tex has real feelings, Tex on cooking, ya know
May 4, 2011 It’s fake, but in a nice way
Last night, I reposted something I read on my friend’s facebook status:
Like my status and I’ll tell you:
1) How we met
2) My first impression of you
3) What I like about you
4) Favorite memory of you
5) But if you like this you’ve gotta put this as your status.(:
So I did, because we have tons of history. I knew she would smile as she thought of ‘publicly appropriate’ things to write. I usually never repost crap like this. Seriously. It’s silly.
About 10 minutes later, I got a couple of ‘likes’. There was one from my first make-out boyfriend who broke my heart and refused to speak to me for at least 3 years. Most of them were pretty easy to write.
Others…not so much. What do I say to the person I didn’t really know or like in the first place but they are my friend on FB because- just because? I mean, I can’t just come out and say,
My first impression of you was that you were annoying and I didn’t like you too much then and still don’t really like you now, and if given the chance to get together, I wouldn’t do it because I don’t like being around you and I don’t have any favorite memories about you because all of my memories of you end with me wanting to bash myself in the head.
Can I? Of course not.
I’m pretty sure I didn’t offend anyone. Did I? I mean, I DID say you were loud. But you already know that about yourself, right? And by brave, I kinda meant crazy. Admit it, it was crazy what you did. I’m totally glad about it. If you didn’t go out on a limb, we wouldn’t be in each other’s lives.
Oh, and you who didn’t want to participate, but inserted yourself into the conversation anyway- I’ll tell you what my first impression was. I thought you were too nice and sweet and gracious and accommodating. It didn’t seem real to me. As I have gotten to know you better I have discovered that you really ARE all of those things. However, now you are just the right amount. You are comfortable with yourself enough to not have to be too nice, sweet, gracious, and accommodating that people (me) can get to know you and love you for the beautiful person you are.
In the end, I didn’t lie about anything. I certainly didn’t tell anyone that I thought they were stupid the first time I met them. I did what I was supposed to do.
But if you really want to know what I think about you, now is your chance. I won’t pull any punches. C’mon!
Tags: Blog, Facebook, stupid, Willy Wonka
- 10 comments
- Posted under Tex has real feelings
Tex Commando 