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Tex Commando

I'm not angry, just outspoken

Tag Archives: New Year

Isn’t it a funny word?

I am sitting here in my quiet living room while my girls are still sleeping, trying to think of something to write. I usually start by thinking of a title and then I start to write something, then decide that the original title doesn’t fit so I delete it then write something in this huge empty space then give it a title. This happens almost every time. This time I just decided to go for it with the original title that popped into my head. (Aren’t you glad you know all that?)

Anyway, I like the word momentum. It sounds weird when you keep saying it over and over and over in your head. If you keep repeating it, the beginning and the end of the word disappears. It just keeps rolling into the next word like a snowball rolling down the hill gaining

momentumomentumomentumomentumomentum…..

It’s even fun to type over and over again. Try it.

When I started writing, I had in mind the idea of keeping up the momentum of blogging again. Then I thought about school. I’m in school again and kicking its ass. Then I thought about my kids. SCREEEEEECH!!! The momentum stops.

Since I only have them with me half of the time, we don’t get to pick up speed once we get rolling. Every couple of days, the snowball hits a tree. Then we re-form the snowball and get it rolling again, and then BAM! Another tree.

It’s good. For the first time in my life as a parent, I don’t want momentum. I don’t want the snowball to keep rolling along without any help from me. I am appreciating the act of making the snowball with them and getting it going. The momentum turns into moment.

This tiny apartment is perfect for moments. Like, when Trystan and I discovered on Friday night that Vivian’s hamster was dying. It was just the two of us. The girls were out with friends. You should have seen him trying to feed it and make it drink water. He wanted to find out what was wrong with it. He tried to save its life to spare Vivian the heartache. Don’t think it was completely sweet. Because once he realized that the thing wasn’t going to make it, he asked if he could feed it to his snake. Uhhhhh….NO.

The kids are playing together. We are baking together, and creating memories in our new surroundings. It’s fun. It’s tight. They bicker, and I don’t have any choice but to hear it. They also cooperate and I get to hear that too. It balances out. We get into a groove and then it’s time to go to dad’s house.

Now don’t get me wrong- I enjoy cleaning my apartment after they leave, and it STAYING CLEAN FOR DAYS!!!!! I like hearing only the quiet hum of the refrigerator. The pillows stay on the couch. The shoes put away in their place. Blankets folded in the ottoman. Kitchen sink clear of dirty dishes. My own personal snowball starts rolling down the hill. By the end of the week, I’m ready for it to hit the tree. I’m ready to start over again with the kids.

This new routine is the new momentum. This new snowball’s momentum is gaining speed, rolling along. Sooner than I realize, it’s going to hit a tree. And it’ll be time to build another snowball with different snow on a different hill. Except it’ll be summertime. And there’s no snow in the summertime. So what’s a good analogy for the summertime? Eh, whatever. You get my point.

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It’s the time of the year where a million friends get together for a week of fun and food and sand and fires and nakedness and drinking. Ok, well not everyone gets naked and drunk. Ok, to be fair, the nakedness was in the dark. Wait. That doesn’t sound better does it? UMMMMM……nevermind.

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Change sucks.  Even good change.

900 square feet is enough until you add children.

College is hard. I think this is one of the reasons I stopped doing it.

I fucking love science. Who am I?

I have a favorite element – H. Can you guess why? (Brandi, you can’t answer)

It’s a good thing that I have a psychiatrist who thinks Ritalin is a good treatment for my ADHD otherwise I’d never get all this reading done.

A good BLF can make everything better.

People surprise and amaze me every day. That’s usually a good thing.

Thursday night is my new favorite night. I didn’t have one before, so I guess technically, it’s just my favorite night.

I haven’t gotten up from this chair in several hours. I think my ass might be fused to the cushion.

I should probably eat lunch.

Ok. That’s it. I am outta here.

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Everyone should have a B. What’s so great about having a B, you ask? I’ll tell you. That’s why I am sitting here NOT eating my pita chips and hummus and NOT drinking my wine. So I can tell you.

  • A good B will challenge the fuck out of you. If you’re lucky. My B always keeps me on my toes. I can’t NOT be excellent or at least want to be excellent when I am around My B. 
  • A good B will encourage you like there’s no tomorrow. Any B worth a shit will encourage you and encourage you and help you feel like you can conquer the world.
  • A good B will make you laugh at your ridiculousness AND be ridiculous right along with you. When My B and I are sharing the same space, there is always much laughing. Sometimes so much laughing that my face hurts. That’s the BEST!
  • A good B will communicate. How else would someone like ME know how to treat a B like mine? Communication.
  • A good B will accept you, freckles, scars, and all. B appreciates what’s inside. B sees what’s in your heart. B accepts all of it and finds beauty in it.

Ok. So there you have it. Do you have a B?  What does your B do for YOU?

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I’m doing it! Over the past week, I have:

  • completed 7 yoga classes over the past 9 days. I am unofficially doing a 60 day challenge. That’s 90 hours of yoga in two months. I don’t know if I’ll actually do that much, but at this point, I have done more over the past week than I have done over the past two months. I’ll consider this first week a WIN!
  • cooked delicious Indian food. I used at least 3,000 bowls, dishes, pans, spoons, and measuring cups to make  Makhani Chicken, basmati rice, and  Naan. If you decide to make it, marinate the chicken like this and cook the sauce like the first recipe using the first suggestion. Also, this tastes even better the second day, so double the recipe like I did, and eat it for several days. I decided that I’ll focus on a different country/cuisine per month. I already have a request for Chinese next month. Do you mofos have a  suggestion?
  • plans to try to make a new friend. This girl and I from yoga talked some over the summer, and we lost touch because of my absence from yoga over the past several months. I saw her this morning, and I decided this afternoon that I’m going to try to make a new friend. She’s cool, and we seem to get along pretty well. We were both happy to see each other and catch up. It’s fucking weird to try to make a new friend. What do you say? “Hi, I’m Tex, will you be my friend?” Oh to be six again…
  • not had too many more ‘gasms over the past week. Why? I’ll have to discuss that with the Mr., and possibly work on some ‘self exploration’ while he’s gone for the week.

All in all, I’ve had a pretty good first week of the year. My evil plot to get my fellow apostate knitting best local maryland friend to the yarn store is going to come to fruition tomorrow. I’m looking forward to that. (Don’t you love all of the damned qualifiers?)

My littlest girl and I have started a nightly tradition of connect four. I plan to groom her to  actually be able to challenge me one day.  Mimi has even gotten into the nightly action. It’s a good alternative to planting them in front of the TV while I ignore them.

How was your first week?

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I’m not usually the kind of person who does a lot of categorizing and listing. I also don’t do resolutions. Since it’s  a new year and all I thought, “Fuckit. I’ll do both and check in weekly.”

I know you mofos are already tuning out and picking at your nails. I know that my follow-through sucks. I know. I’m hanging my head in shame. But this time it’s going to be different. (That’s what HE said.)

So, here are some of my resolutions or goals or desires or hopes or whatever the hell you want to call it.

  1. Get myself out there more. To me, this means to expand my circle beyond the one or two friends I communicate with. I have become somewhat of a recluse over the past few months. It’s pretty depressing, and I am tired of it. I need more friends.
  2. Make myself do things even if I don’t want to. Refer to the top. I am a bit depressed. As a result, I haven’t had much (any) motivation to do anything extra. Like the things I love to do. Like cook. And exercise. And socialize. I need to make myself do these things. I know I will be happier if I just get off my ass.
  3. Challenge my creativity. This year, I plan to take it to the next level. You all know I knit, but this time I’m going to knit something difficult and beautiful. No more scarves and mittens. I used to cook all the time. I was passionate about food. It’s time to get some of that fire back into my belly. And, something different. I don’t know what it will be, but I will do something else. I have always wanted to learn how to throw pottery. I might try that.
  4. Have more orgasms. You know how it is with depression- lack of interest in sex. Not only do I have little or no interest in sex with my sexy husband, I don’t even want to have sex with myself. Lame. That’s going to change.

Wish me luck. I’ll get back to you mofos in a week with what I did on the list.

What are YOUR resolutions/goals/desires/hopes for the upcoming year?

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It bugs me. Maybe because I am not very sentimental, but I don’t get it. Big fuckin’ deal. It’s another day. It’s another year. Really, the only things that change are the calendar (I forgot to get a new one), and the year you have to write on your- what? Your checks? Who writes checks anymore? I write like, 4 per month.

New Year’s is just another ‘reason’ for women to dress slutty and for people to go out and get drunk. That’s all it is. And for my kids, it’s an excuse for them to stay up all night and drive me crazy when I’d really rather be out dressed in a slutty outfit and getting drunk.

I loved it when the kids were younger and didn’t know how to tell time. We would let them stay up until ‘midnight’, which was really 9:30, and then Mr. Tex and I would hang out and watch good ‘ol Dick Clark. AAAhhh… those were the days.

But really- back to my point. It’s not a big deal. The resolutions? Stupid. Why do people need to have a specific day to start a goal that they should have started 6 months ago? A goal that they will most likely never accomplish. What’s so great about the new year? Do people magically think that they won’t have to deal with the past year’s shit? The board  doesn’t get wiped clean. Sure, it’s symbolic and all, but really? Fuck symbolism.

If you need to join a fuckin’ gym to lose the 30 pounds you gained in 2010, join it already. Don’t wait until 1/1/11 to start getting your fat ass in shape. If you need to eat healthy, you should have started that before you ate 3 pieces of pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving. Not AFTER your 5 glasses of champagne on NYE. Those relationships? Yeah, ya know – the unhealthy, dysfunctional, life-sucking ones? You have known for how long that they are draining you of your life force? So why the fuck have you been waiting all year to dump them?

Imjusssayin’ that the time to change your habits, set goals, and start accomplishing things is NOW!  Not tomorrow. Not next year.

What are you going to do today?

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