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Tex Commando

“I'm not angry, just outspoken”

Category Archives: Uncategorized

February 17, 2014 Y’all done got me started

I have been away from this blog for several reasons. You may not care, but I’m assuming you do care otherwise you wouldn’t be reading it now. I have been doing the college thing, and I haven’t felt like taking time away from my studies and my lady to write to you people.

But! There has been a lot of crazy shit circulating on Facebook. I’m not usually the kind of person who spends a lot of time online talking about online things anymore. Especially not Facebook things. I mean, I always have an opinion about some dumb shit that somebody wrote, but I usually don’t express it. However, when it has the potential to affect my family I feel like I need to take some time away from my lady and my schooling to talk about it.

Frozen. A little girl who is different from everybody else around her is isolated, neglected, and emotionally abused by her parents for her entire life and has the nerve to be happy when she finally breaks free from her oppressive past.

Disobedience. Say what? Yeah. I guess it technically IS disobedient to leave an abuser. What gets me is how quickly some of  my fundamentalist acquaintances jumped on the disobedience bandwagon. WHAT THE FUCK!?!? Just because someone makes a rule doesn’t mean that it should be followed. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT’S ABUSE.

Gay agenda. Huh? I missed that one. Belieeeeeeve me- I look for gay things everywhere. Being a newly practicing homosexual the whole GAY thing is actually a THING for me. I didn’t get gay agenda at all when I watched that movie. Not even a little bit.

Ok. Maybe it’s a little bit gay because she didn’t need no man to save her. Also, she was at least, I dunno, 18 and not married. I think by Disney (and religious fundamentalist) standards that practically makes her a spinster. And you KNOW all spinsters are spinsters because they are gay. Maybe it’s a teensy tiny bit gay promoting because the snowman had a little bit of extra flair, which I guess people could stereotype as gay. It seems like the whole gay thing is a stretch. 

Frozen isn’t a metaphor for gay marriage any more than it’s a metaphor for abortion or the greenhouse effect. It’s not about moral relativism either. Well, I guess technically it is if you consider it moral to ABUSE CHILDREN and I don’t.

That’s all I have to say. Probably. Brandi will fill in whatever I missed if she comments. We just got a new couch, and it’s time to break it in.

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October 15, 2013 please stop trying to shove your condoms down my throat

photo 1.JPGOn my way between classes this morning, I discovered that it’s an exciting week on campus.

photo 2.JPGIn my attempt for a free t-shirt that I’d never wear outside of my bedroom, I walked around to talk to the different booths of people who were there to ask my advice educate me about sex.

Every table had a sticker, and I had to get four stickers in order to score a shirt. The first table had sexy toys. They were offering lube and condoms.

“NO thanks, I don’t need condoms.”

Next table was the peer counselors. They were a lovely group of ladies who remembered me from another campus event where I talked to them for awhile about their jobs. Next to the crisis hotline pens was a basket of jimmy hats.

“NO thanks, I don’t have any use for condoms.”

The third table I stopped at was for the Vagina Monologues. There will be a performance here in the spring. Since I like vaginas, I decided to sign up on their email list to find out how I can be a part of it.

Last stop was the Rainbow Terps table. After talking to the adorable homosexual boy at the table, I decided to go to Queer Lunch tomorrow to check out their extensive library and meet some other gays on campus. Guess what else he offered me? CONDOMS!!!!

“NO thanks, I don’t USE condoms.”

The guy standing next to me at the table got it. We shared a moment.

I stood in line only to not get a t-shirt because they ran out of them. But I did get a fact sheet that only reinforces to me the importance of lots of sex. Especially while I’m a college student.

It'll help me reduce stress from all of the stupid group projects I have.

It’ll help me reduce stress from all of the stupid group projects I have.

I'm a Kinesiology major. Duh. Exercise is what I DO at college. This is real-world application.

I’m a Kinesiology major. Duh. Exercise is what I DO at college. This is real-world application.

Need I say more?
photo 3

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October 5, 2013 good or bad?

  • hormones
  • long discussions about our feelings
  • the same conversation over and over and over again
  • skid marks
  • hair
  • shower graffiti

I have procrastinated long enough. I must study now.

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July 28, 2013 Get thee to a nunnery!

Shakespeare. I thought I hated it. At least I (mostly) hated it 20something years ago when I had to read it in high school English class. Now? It’s fucking awesome! I have read four plays in the past three weeks. Every one has had me laughing out loud. Every play has been a peek into human nature and even though they are hundreds of years old, people really haven’t changed.

The best part is that my class is small, about 10 students, and the professor encourages (requires) us to participate in the discussion and analysis of the plays and characters. There is something for everyone in each play. Some theme or character or situation that resonates differently with each person in the class.

It’s like Sunday school but with 89.742% less god. (Hamlet is super god-dy.) Reading Shakespeare is just like reading scriptures but with stories and characters that are actually interesting. And crude sexual humor. And insults. And cross-dressing.

While everyone else is at church this morning, I’ll be reading and laughing and taking notes so I can kick my midterm’s ass tomorrow.

Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.

Ya think he was talking to me? Psh, what does he know?

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March 8, 2013 The morning after blog

The Announcement. I think it’s tacky. When am I going to tell Facebook? That has been a question I have been asked over and over again. If you talk to me on a regular basis, you already know. If I hang out with you, you know EVERYTHING. If we are close friends, then you probably know more than you ever wanted to know.

I’m getting a divorce.

No need for the sad face. The end of my marriage isn’t a sad thing. I mean, it’s sad, but also happy. It’s happy-sad. It’s a good move. Homie and I are cool. Awkward sometimes, but cool. It was just time for our marriage to come to an end. 17 years was a good run.

There is someone else.

Not shocked? Fuck you. Just kidding (kinda). Marriage is complicated. People change. When you get married at 20, you are bound to change. To be clear, I didn’t leave my marriage for someone else. I left my marriage for myself. The someone else part was just the catalyst for a marriage ending that should have ended several years ago. Whether the new relationship with the other person lasts forever or not, it’s OK. I am working on Tex.

It’s a woman.

Close your mouth. You’re starting to drool. Who is it? Put the pieces together. It’s not THAT hard to figure out. Trust me, I’m just as shocked as you are. So is she. We never imagined we’d be SO MUCH IN LOVE!!!!! (yeah, yeah, jar)

AAAAAAND on that note, I’m going to go work on my sweater. And drink some wine. I think I might need some wine tonight.

Still haven’t figured it out? Try this.

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March 4, 2013 It’s that time of the year again!

It’s the time of the year where a million friends get together for a week of fun and food and sand and fires and nakedness and drinking. Ok, well not everyone gets naked and drunk. Ok, to be fair, the nakedness was in the dark. Wait. That doesn’t sound better does it? UMMMMM……nevermind.

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February 8, 2013 No bathing necessary

The highlight of my week is the fact that I can wear yoga pants all day today and not shower. Shit, I don’t even think I’m going to wear a bra. Not that I really need one. I just wear one to give the appearance of breasts anyway. I am looking forward to staying in the house and organizing my yarn and hanging shit up and putting clothes away. 

Yeah, I am living the life.

 

January 27, 2013 This one is for My B

Everyone should have a B. What’s so great about having a B, you ask? I’ll tell you. That’s why I am sitting here NOT eating my pita chips and hummus and NOT drinking my wine. So I can tell you.

  • A good B will challenge the fuck out of you. If you’re lucky. My B always keeps me on my toes. I can’t NOT be excellent or at least want to be excellent when I am around My B. 
  • A good B will encourage you like there’s no tomorrow. Any B worth a shit will encourage you and encourage you and help you feel like you can conquer the world.
  • A good B will make you laugh at your ridiculousness AND be ridiculous right along with you. When My B and I are sharing the same space, there is always much laughing. Sometimes so much laughing that my face hurts. That’s the BEST!
  • A good B will communicate. How else would someone like ME know how to treat a B like mine? Communication.
  • A good B will accept you, freckles, scars, and all. B appreciates what’s inside. B sees what’s in your heart. B accepts all of it and finds beauty in it.

Ok. So there you have it. Do you have a B?  What does your B do for YOU?

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November 26, 2012 I’m a bad. Ass. Knitter.

I wish the book Dominitrix had some good patterns in it. Like knitted handcuffs or sexy underpants. It was a fun read. Who says knitting is just for old ladies? Stupid motherfuckers, that’s who. Also, the ‘old ladies’ that I knit with are crazier and naughtier than I am. They make me blush sometimes. Do you know how hard it is to shock me with inappropriate humor? Nearly impossible. Call me crazy, but when someone asks me how old my vagina is IN A KNITTING STORE, it’s shocking.

The perfect description for me. I wear this almost every day.

And when I saw this at the knitting store, I knew it was made for me. There were at least two there. I wonder who got the other one.

Yes, that’s me knitting a glove during the tattoo. A big-ass tattoo.

He was almost done, and I was almost out of pain tolerance. The knitting actually distracted me enough to get through the last bit of filling in the color. It took two sessions, a total of seven hours, and all the cuss word combinations known to man. It’s amazing. Also, if it was socially acceptable to walk around topless (and if I had nicer tits), I’d show this thing off all the time. I love it.

Crappy self portrait. I guess I need to have someone take a good picture of me.

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November 23, 2012 STELLA!!!!!!!!!!!

Who the hell IS she anyway? And why do we care how she got her groove back?

I don’t give a shit about her, but I do know one thing-

20121123-180308.jpgI’M BACK!!

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