Category Archives: Tex is kicking college’s ass
October 15, 2013 please stop trying to shove your condoms down my throat
On my way between classes this morning, I discovered that it’s an exciting week on campus.
In my attempt for a free t-shirt that I’d never wear outside of my bedroom, I walked around to talk to the different booths of people who were there to
ask my advice educate me about sex.
Every table had a sticker, and I had to get four stickers in order to score a shirt. The first table had sexy toys. They were offering lube and condoms.
“NO thanks, I don’t need condoms.”
Next table was the peer counselors. They were a lovely group of ladies who remembered me from another campus event where I talked to them for awhile about their jobs. Next to the crisis hotline pens was a basket of jimmy hats.
“NO thanks, I don’t have any use for condoms.”
The third table I stopped at was for the Vagina Monologues. There will be a performance here in the spring. Since I like vaginas, I decided to sign up on their email list to find out how I can be a part of it.
Last stop was the Rainbow Terps table. After talking to the adorable homosexual boy at the table, I decided to go to Queer Lunch tomorrow to check out their extensive library and meet some other gays on campus. Guess what else he offered me? CONDOMS!!!!
“NO thanks, I don’t USE condoms.”
The guy standing next to me at the table got it. We shared a moment.
I stood in line only to not get a t-shirt because they ran out of them. But I did get a fact sheet that only reinforces to me the importance of lots of sex. Especially while I’m a college student.
It’ll help me reduce stress from all of the stupid group projects I have.
I’m a Kinesiology major. Duh. Exercise is what I DO at college. This is real-world application.
Need I say more?
Tags: Homosexuality, no condoms please, Orgasm, Sex, study skills, UMD, Vagina
September 30, 2013 What’s new at The Nunnery
Work and school and school and work and kids and school and work and kids and on and on and on and on.
It has been busy around here. Weird. Being a full-time college student and full-time retail worker with children doesn’t leave a lot of time to blog. Like now, I should be studying for an exam tomorrow. But I am taking a break because I just finished a quiz and got 18/20 on it. Not bad, eh?
Do you mofos know what I’m going to college for? I don’t know if I told you. Maybe I did, but I don’t want to look back at the previous posts so I’ll tell you again. Kinesiology. Don’t know what that is? Perhaps you should look it up.
I am having such a good time doing college. On one hand, I wish I had done this 20 years ago when I was 18. I’m amazed at all there is to do at Maryland. So far, the professors are excellent, the staff are awesome, and I have more support than I know what to do with. It seems almost impossible NOT to do well.
ON THE OTHER HAND, I’m 99.896% positive that I would probably be like the other 96.873% of my classmates and not:
- show up
- be on time
- participate in discussions
- be on task in class
- read the required material before class
- watch required videos
- do required assignments
- listen to professor
Instead, I do those things. I’m the nerd in front of class knitting, taking notes, answering questions, and ASKING questions. I’m getting the most out of this whole college thing and it’s fucking exciting!!
I have taken a way longer break than I had planned for. It’s time to get back to studying for my exercise psychology (my favorite class) exam (nerd).
Perhaps when I get another break, I’ll tell you more about what Brandi is up to and how WE are doing.
(Hint: exceptionally well)
Tags: ADHD, College, Exercise, Kinesiology, Smarty Pants, teacher's pet
July 28, 2013 Get thee to a nunnery!
Shakespeare. I thought I hated it. At least I (mostly) hated it 20something years ago when I had to read it in high school English class. Now? It’s fucking awesome! I have read four plays in the past three weeks. Every one has had me laughing out loud. Every play has been a peek into human nature and even though they are hundreds of years old, people really haven’t changed.
The best part is that my class is small, about 10 students, and the professor encourages (requires) us to participate in the discussion and analysis of the plays and characters. There is something for everyone in each play. Some theme or character or situation that resonates differently with each person in the class.
It’s like Sunday school but with 89.742% less god. (Hamlet is super god-dy.) Reading Shakespeare is just like reading scriptures but with stories and characters that are actually interesting. And crude sexual humor. And insults. And cross-dressing.
While everyone else is at church this morning, I’ll be reading and laughing and taking notes so I can kick my midterm’s ass tomorrow.
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.
Ya think he was talking to me? Psh, what does he know?
Tags: BIG BRAIN!, cross-dressing, crude sexual humor, Hamlet
- Leave a comment
- Posted under blogging, Tex is kicking college's ass, Tex on religion, Uncategorized
May 2, 2013 Hey baby, you come here often?
So, what’s new?
Nothing much here.
Unless you want to call kicking ass in all three of the -ology classes I’m taking, working, being mom, maintaining a long distance relationship, getting ready to move, and knitting, nothing.
Oh! Did I mention that I’m going to start doing yoga again, too?
It’s stressful and exciting. If I think about it too much I get overwhelmed, but it’s exciting so I think about it. So then I get stressed, and excited all over again. (It’s hard living inside my head sometimes)
And the long distance relationship thing. It fucking sucks. I don’t know how people can do this long-term. I can hardly make it through the next four weeks. Shit! The next four hours would be too long. UGH.
I’m a tiny bit obsessed with talking about Brandi to my coworkers anyone who are my captive audience will listen. By tiny, I mean a tiny bit of my conversations are about anything but My B.
Soooooo… since you are still reading, AND I mentioned Brandi, allow me to tell you a few things about her.
- Did you know that My Brandi is a writer? Of course you knew that. OF COURSE you knew about her blog. What? You didn’t know that she has one? It’s imperative that you stop what you’re doing RIGHT THIS MINUTE and get over there. Give yourself a few hours (days) and read every post and every comment. Oh. My. God. I don’t go back and re-read things I have already read, but I was doing it tonight, and I laughed out loud at least eighty million times. She’s funny. And I’m not saying that because I love her. Start here, at the grocery store. Next, take a trip to your local YMCA. If you don’t LOL, you are a humorless idiot who shouldn’t be allowed to breathe . (I could link you to a ton of these awesome gems of hilarity, but I need to get on with this homage to My Brandi so I can call her.)
- She is a smart lady. She knows things. Not only does she know things, she can have intelligent, thought-provoking conversations about things. All kinds of things. Next time you see her, ask her about something controversial like, euthanasia or late-term abortion. You’re sure to have an interesting conversation.
- She is a good listener. For some reason, people feel safe talking to her. I know I do. I always have. Maybe it goes back to her being smart and able to carry on thoughtful conversations. But she’s open minded and doesn’t judge (much).
- She has the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever had the pleasure to gaze into. That fact is true. You can see for yourself next time you see her. But the real truth behind this fact is that she has turned me into a mushy ball of mush. This one isn’t so much about her as it is about what she has done to me. Love letters? Check. Paper chains with little messages written on them counting down significant events? Check. Sweet goodnight video messages every night before I go to sleep? Check. Songs that make me cry tears of happiness because they describe perfectly how I feel about My Brandi? Check. And I have only scratched the surface on this one.
I guess the point of this whole thing is to say that I’m doing fine. Life is hectic, but exciting. I miss My Brandi.
Tags: Bikram Yoga, Brandi, honest, kicking ass, Long-distance relationship, Mental Health
Tex Commando 