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Tex Commando

“I'm not angry, just outspoken”

Tag Archives: Namaste

March 4, 2013 It’s that time of the year again!

It’s the time of the year where a million friends get together for a week of fun and food and sand and fires and nakedness and drinking. Ok, well not everyone gets naked and drunk. Ok, to be fair, the nakedness was in the dark. Wait. That doesn’t sound better does it? UMMMMM……nevermind.

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February 23, 2013 Thoughts from a tired brain on a rainy Saturday afternoon

Change sucks.  Even good change.

900 square feet is enough until you add children.

College is hard. I think this is one of the reasons I stopped doing it.

I fucking love science. Who am I?

I have a favorite element – H. Can you guess why? (Brandi, you can’t answer)

It’s a good thing that I have a psychiatrist who thinks Ritalin is a good treatment for my ADHD otherwise I’d never get all this reading done.

A good BLF can make everything better.

People surprise and amaze me every day. That’s usually a good thing.

Thursday night is my new favorite night. I didn’t have one before, so I guess technically, it’s just my favorite night.

I haven’t gotten up from this chair in several hours. I think my ass might be fused to the cushion.

I should probably eat lunch.

Ok. That’s it. I am outta here.

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January 27, 2013 This one is for My B

Everyone should have a B. What’s so great about having a B, you ask? I’ll tell you. That’s why I am sitting here NOT eating my pita chips and hummus and NOT drinking my wine. So I can tell you.

  • A good B will challenge the fuck out of you. If you’re lucky. My B always keeps me on my toes. I can’t NOT be excellent or at least want to be excellent when I am around My B. 
  • A good B will encourage you like there’s no tomorrow. Any B worth a shit will encourage you and encourage you and help you feel like you can conquer the world.
  • A good B will make you laugh at your ridiculousness AND be ridiculous right along with you. When My B and I are sharing the same space, there is always much laughing. Sometimes so much laughing that my face hurts. That’s the BEST!
  • A good B will communicate. How else would someone like ME know how to treat a B like mine? Communication.
  • A good B will accept you, freckles, scars, and all. B appreciates what’s inside. B sees what’s in your heart. B accepts all of it and finds beauty in it.

Ok. So there you have it. Do you have a B?  What does your B do for YOU?

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December 19, 2011 The Ornament and a half-assed explanation and an awkward ending

Anne, I’ll make you one and send it- after christmas. Your prayer was the best. I need your address. But don’t rush. I won’t get around to making it until probably January. Brandi, don’t get your panties in a wad. I will make you one too.

How lame. I hardly read blogs anymore let alone update mine. I apologize to my loyal fans (cough, cough) for not keeping up with it. I don’t think I even have the attention span to read more than one or two lines of ANYTHING. That pretty much sucks because I love to read. I was the person who could zip through a book (any book) in two days or less. Now? I have been reading the same book for a month. A month? How is that even possible? And forget about anything even remotely intellectual. I can’t even get through a page.

I have been listening to podcasts out the wazoo. My favorites are: WTF with Marc Maron, Adam Carolla, For Crying Out Loud and Mormon Expression.  Some new ones I am getting into are,  The Good Atheist,  The Mental Illness Happy Hour. I love to listen to people talk. Am I weird? I pop my headphones in (during the day when I’m alone in my quiet house), and do my chores. I plug my iphone into my car and listen to them while I’m driving around in my car. When I need to drown out my children, I pop in my headphones and listen to the best rants EVER by the Aceman.

I can’t read or write while I’m listening in on someone’s conversation. That’s why I haven’t been in the game. I don’t know how long it’ll last.

 

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November 2, 2011 Inconsiderate vs. Rude – the difference

I have been contemplating this for the past day. Yes, there is a difference. Allow me to illustrate:

It’s inconsiderate to take too long in the shower after class at the yoga studio. There are signs up all over the place reminding you of this. People are waiting to use it. Everyone has somewhere to be soon. We are all busy. Stop chatting and rinse your ass and get out of the shower. Five people have been in and out of the other shower during the time you spent hogging the other one. What’s rude is how you blow off the fact that you’ve been in there for 10 minutes saying, “It’s just like home, you know when you get to talking and don’t realize how long you’ve been in there. No big deal.” NO IT’S NOT FUCKING LIKE HOME!!! It is a big deal when I have my day scheduled to the minute and I barely made it to class in the first place because I have shit ‘ta do. It is a big deal that the lady behind me gets to her kid’s preschool in time. It’s also a big deal that you acknowledge your mistake and APOLOGIZE. At least apologize for your inconsiderate behavior when confronted about it (I kept my mouth shut because I wouldn’t have been nearly as polite as the person who did say something).

I’m glad I got that off my chest. Where do you draw the line between inconsiderate and rude?

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October 19, 2011 I’m not being unreasonable. I’m just right.

Some things that get my panties in a wad:

  1. When my kids behave like assholes while we are on the way to do something fun. FOR THEM.
  2. When someone gets mad at me because of the consequences of THEIR DECISION.
  3. When I am trying to give someone something and I feel like I am the one jumping through hoops. Not that I expect them to bow down to me and kiss my ass. I’ll do what I can (within reason), but I’m not going to put myself out just to give you something. FOR FREE.
  4. When I have a lot of very important things to do, like listen to my favorite podcasts, and my kids insist on talking to me.
  5. When I’m being bitchy and irrational and I hate everyone in the world and I can’t bear to hear one more child’s voice or even open my mouth to say even one little word and they JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!!!!
That’s not unreasonable is it? No. I didn’t think so. Don’t you dare contradict me in the comments. I’ll change them if you do. No I won’t.

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June 13, 2011 Homie, do you hear me?

I don’t care if you don’t like it, I’m watching the Real Housewives. No matter how fake they are.

Not only am I WATCHING it, I’m watching ALL OF THEM!!!! EVERY NIGHT!!!! Orange County, New York, and New Jersey.

Also? I’m watching Andy Cohen afterwards.

It’s heaven.

Well, almost heaven. Like, if I actually believed in heaven. Which I don’t. But, if I did THIS is what it would look like:

  • fake tans
  • fake boobs
  • big lips
  • blonde hair
  • lots of drunk ladies
  • big houses
  • bankruptcy (well, maybe not this one)
Don’t worry, I’ll get it all out of my system before you come back home. I will. Probably. Well, maybe not. You know how I am.

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May 18, 2011 Coupons Schmoupons

Am I the only one who isn’t jumping on the coupon bandwagon? What the fuck? Like, come on people, coupons aren’t new. So, why are people acting like coupons are the next best thing? I’m so tired of people posting pictures on Facebook of all the shitty junk food they just bought with coupons for $2.50.

Why are you bragging that you just bought 6 bags of Oreos? That’s nothing to be proud about! Or 50 boxes of cereal?!? I get it- some of you people are Mormon, and you think it’s contributing to your food storage, but I have news for you: boxed cereal goes stale. And it tastes like shit when it’s stale. And you and your kids are going to get sick of it after the first 20 boxes, and they/you will refuse to eat it. EVER AGAIN.

Give me some goddamn coupons for fresh fruits and vegetables. That’s what I want. I spend almost half of my monthly food budget on that shit. I don’t need more frozen pizzas and pop tarts in my life. That kind of shopping just discourages me from cooking. And it discourages my health from being healthy.

I can’t wait until I get into my ‘forever house’. Then, I’ll have fruit trees and berry bushes all over the place. From spring to fall, I’ll have more fresh fruit than I can handle. I’ll be shitting blueberries and apples! I can’t wait.

I guess that’s just me. What do you mofos think?

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April 21, 2011 Neglect…

Isn’t it funny that you can tell how a person’s life is going by how often they update their blog? I’m not talking about the professional blogger. I mean, those mofos are PAID to blog everyday. I’m talking about the people like me who have no real incentive to blog other than the satisfaction of blogging. (imagine me making a jerking off motion) (did you LOL?)

Because, when I blog everyday or almost everyday, I have absolutely nothing else to do aside from watching my kid which, let’s admit it right now – I pretty much suck at that.

And apparently, I suck at blogging too, because I haven’t been doing too much of that either.

Here’s what I have been doing:

  • I’ve been getting up at the ass crack of dawn to personally train mofos at my new gym.
  • Driving 68 miles to a hospital in BFE/Amish Country to do unskilled labor cleverly named ‘market resarch’.
  • Hot motherfuckin’ yoga.
  • Spring break. With four kids. Need I say more?
  • Pricing out menus and writing up motherfuckin’ CATERING PROPOSALS!!!!
  • Yes, I said catering!!! Someone actually wants to BUY MY FOOD!!!!!
  • Did you mofos know I can bake?
  • I’m totally off on a tangent.
  • Did you know I’m on my second gigantor glass of wine?
  • ‘Splains a lot, doesn’t it?
  • I see why Bennet does tons of bullet blog posts ‘cuz it’s fun.
  • MMMkay, back to how awesome busy I am.
  • Barely reading blogs.
  • Not commenting on your blogs. I swear, I’m reading you mofos! Who has time to comment?
  • Remember me saying how I have no laptop? Still no laptop. No laptop=not much blogging.
  • In my best Headly voice, “Gotta go to work!”

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January 18, 2011 Mr. T has taught little boy T well

I didn’t ask him. I didn’t even expect him to help.

This morning, while I was trying to de-ice my driveway, little boy T (lbT) came out ready to work. He grabbed a shovel, and did a great job scraping the ice off of our long ass driveway. That kid’s a worker. He certainly doesn’t get that from me. If I’m allowed, I’m a lazy ass. Since, there’s no other adult in my house right now, I get to be the industrious one. I can’t wait until Mr. T gets home. All this hard work is exhausting.

On a related note, have I mentioned that my kids have been out of school FOREVER, and I need them to go back to school soon? They had a three-day weekend followed by a school closing today. For the rest of the week and Monday, they have early dismissals, followed by two days off for the semester break. FU-UCK ME!

I am so tired of hearing their voices. I am tired of seeing them constantly around my house at every turn. If I have to tell one more little asshole to put his/her dish into the DISHWASHER and not leave it in the SINK! I’ll scream. Pick the couch pillows up OFF THE DAMN FLOOR!! Quit arguing!! STOP teasing your sister!! Is your room clean? Why haven’t you put away your clothes? I am so tired of the constant upkeep. They have chores. It’s not like I do all of the work around here, but with them here all the time, there’s more than just their chores that they have to keep up with.

There’s nowhere to send them outside. It’s rainy, cold, and icy. The last thing I want to do is let them get sick, and have to have them around for ONE MINUTE LONGER THAN I HAVE TO.

All I want to do is Bikram. Really. It’s like heaven in that hot motherfucking room. How so? Well, for starters, it’s not cold like my house is. And it’s quiet (unlike my house). No one is talking but the instructor. There’s nothing else to do but meditate, concentrate, and breathe. My mind goes to another place. I don’t think about who or what or why or anything else besides what my body is doing at that moment. I’m relaxed just writing about it.

I guess I just had to vent for a minute. Thanks for entertaining me. Oh yeah, and I’m super excited about Vegas. And, just in case you were wondering, there’s a Bikram yoga studio pretty close to where we are staying. Who’s going to come with me? C’mon! You know you want to! Yeah, I know I’m a freak.

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