Tag Archives: Mr. Tex
March 8, 2013 The morning after blog
The Announcement. I think it’s tacky. When am I going to tell Facebook? That has been a question I have been asked over and over again. If you talk to me on a regular basis, you already know. If I hang out with you, you know EVERYTHING. If we are close friends, then you probably know more than you ever wanted to know.
I’m getting a divorce.
No need for the sad face. The end of my marriage isn’t a sad thing. I mean, it’s sad, but also happy. It’s happy-sad. It’s a good move. Homie and I are cool. Awkward sometimes, but cool. It was just time for our marriage to come to an end. 17 years was a good run.
There is someone else.
Not shocked? Fuck you. Just kidding (kinda). Marriage is complicated. People change. When you get married at 20, you are bound to change. To be clear, I didn’t leave my marriage for someone else. I left my marriage for myself. The someone else part was just the catalyst for a marriage ending that should have ended several years ago. Whether the new relationship with the other person lasts forever or not, it’s OK. I am working on Tex.
It’s a woman.
Close your mouth. You’re starting to drool. Who is it? Put the pieces together. It’s not THAT hard to figure out. Trust me, I’m just as shocked as you are. So is she. We never imagined we’d be SO MUCH IN LOVE!!!!! (yeah, yeah, jar)
AAAAAAND on that note, I’m going to go work on my sweater. And drink some wine. I think I might need some wine tonight.
Still haven’t figured it out? Try this.
Tags: knitting, Marriage, Mr. Tex, Relationships, Vagina, Wayne Brady
- 7 comments
- Posted under Tex has real feelings, The History of Tex, Uncategorized
April 22, 2012 falling in and out of love
You know what it’s like when you fall in love. That OMG I CAN’T GET ENOUGH feeling that keeps you coming back for more and more. It’s exciting and fun and fulfilling. It makes you feel giddy and warm and fuzzy inside.
Then that shit gets old.
You realize that you spent so much time together in the first place that you don’t have anything to say to each other anymore. The thing that attracted the two of you in the first place, that spark, isn’t there anymore. You don’t feel the same thrill at the thought of being together. You are disinterested. You feel apathetic.
Where has the love gone?
That’s how I feel about blogging.
You didn’t think I was talking about Homie, did you? Getthefuckouttahere.
- 6 comments
- Posted under blogging, Tex has real feelings, The History of Tex
January 26, 2012 fucking january
I did a good job with yoga for the first two weeks of the month, then my kids had two weeks of early dismissals, holidays, days off school, yadda yadda yadda. They threw my shit off. It’s them, not me. Today is the first full day I have to clean my house, have conversations with myself and do laundry in forever. As much as I want to to sweat my ass off, I can’t do it. I need to be home. I have Mr. T trying to get me to meet him for lunch. Damn! Does it ever end?
I’m just kidding about the lunch thing. I like to go out for lunch. I prefer to have lunch out. I usually don’t eat lunch unless I get it out somewhere. The only thing about meeting him for lunch is that it’s a 30 minute drive to where he is, then we have to decide where to eat. Then it’s 30 minutes back home. I already committed to picking up a kid from school, so now my whole afternoon is messed up.
The things I do for love.
Oh, I am starting a new job Tuesday. I’ll be working at my yarn store two days a week. I’m pretty excited about that. Until the next thing comes along. Why is that? I’m like a little kid who sees all of the toys in the store and just HAS to have a specific one. Only when I get the toy, it’s just a countdown until I lose interest in that particular toy and NEED another, shinier, more exciting toy. How can I be better about that?
I haven’t cooked any more Indian food. So much for that idea.
Speaking of food, Mr. T and I get to have dinner with Lori and Jason at one of my favorite lunch date restaurants. I am hoping it’s freezing cold when I leave to meet Mr. T, because I am planning on wearing the mittens I just made. I’m giving them to Lori, so she can keep her new fingers warm. I really need to quality test them before I give them to her.
I guess that’s it for now. How is YOUR January going?
- 3 comments
- Posted under blogging, Don't just exercise...Texercise!, Tex does crafty things
January 9, 2012 I will return and report
I’m doing it! Over the past week, I have:
- completed 7 yoga classes over the past 9 days. I am unofficially doing a 60 day challenge. That’s 90 hours of yoga in two months. I don’t know if I’ll actually do that much, but at this point, I have done more over the past week than I have done over the past two months. I’ll consider this first week a WIN!
- cooked delicious Indian food. I used at least 3,000 bowls, dishes, pans, spoons, and measuring cups to make Makhani Chicken, basmati rice, and Naan. If you decide to make it, marinate the chicken like this and cook the sauce like the first recipe using the first suggestion. Also, this tastes even better the second day, so double the recipe like I did, and eat it for several days. I decided that I’ll focus on a different country/cuisine per month. I already have a request for Chinese next month. Do you mofos have a suggestion?
- plans to try to make a new friend. This girl and I from yoga talked some over the summer, and we lost touch because of my absence from yoga over the past several months. I saw her this morning, and I decided this afternoon that I’m going to try to make a new friend. She’s cool, and we seem to get along pretty well. We were both happy to see each other and catch up. It’s fucking weird to try to make a new friend. What do you say? “Hi, I’m Tex, will you be my friend?” Oh to be six again…
- not had too many more ‘gasms over the past week. Why? I’ll have to discuss that with the Mr., and possibly work on some ‘self exploration’ while he’s gone for the week.
All in all, I’ve had a pretty good first week of the year. My evil plot to get my fellow apostate knitting best local maryland friend to the yarn store is going to come to fruition tomorrow. I’m looking forward to that. (Don’t you love all of the damned qualifiers?)
My littlest girl and I have started a nightly tradition of connect four. I plan to groom her to actually be able to challenge me one day. Mimi has even gotten into the nightly action. It’s a good alternative to planting them in front of the TV while I ignore them.
How was your first week?
Tags: Bikram Yoga, Cooking, inspiration, knitting, Mental Health, Mr. Tex, New Year, Orgasm, Taking Chances
- 4 comments
- Posted under Tex does crafty things, Tex has real feelings, Tex on cooking, Tex on sex
January 4, 2012 This is a Truuuuuue Story
**8,000,000 points to the person who can tell me what T.V. show that line came from.**
OK. So, this text conversation really happened today. And while I was relating it to Mr. T, I realized that it makes for great blogging. Here goes:
(names have been changed to protect the innocent)
ANONYMOUS PERSON: Oh god, a woman just shit on the floor in walmart. I’m going to puke.
ME: Eeeeeeew!!!!
AP: She was running for the bathroom and didn’t make it. It ran down her leg. I’m stuck in line. I’m trapped and I’m seriously trying not to puke.
ME:Uh uh. Maybe just leave.
ME: Fuckit
AP: Reason #762 why the elderly should be euthanized.
AP: I’m next. And I need the melatonin or my kid will never sleep tonight.
ME: Go to fucking rite aid. Or puke. Whatever. I don’t care. I’m not standing in Walmart looking at someone’s shit
ME: Gross. Take a picture.
ME: And post it.
AP: I’m not taking a picture of shit. They were cleaning it up, which is the only reason I didn’t run out of there. But it might be a month before I can eat again.
ME: Good. You have put on an extra couple of pounds. A little fasting couldn’t hurt. 😉
AP: Kiss my ass.
I couldn’t make this stuff up! Thanks AP for helping me write my blog. You are the best! 😉
Tags: disgusting, Mr. Tex, Shit, text conversation
- 8 comments
- Posted under blogging
December 20, 2011 Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire
When we were active churchy mormons, I’d get out of Tooth Fairy duties on Sunday. It was the sabbath, after all. That worked for three kids. The fourth kid lost a tooth this past Sunday. I decided that I wasn’t going to invoke the sabbath in between sips of wine, so with full intentions of fulfilling my toothly fairy duties, I sent Vivian to bed. Mimi took great care to remind me. She made sure to remind Homie too.
Guess who didn’t show up? Guess who cried? Guess who perpetuated the lie?
(I hate myself a little bit for lying to my kid about the tooth fairy and santa and all of that shit.)
So, I made an excuse for the tooth fairy. I told Viv that she must have had a lot of children to take care of. To which she replied that maybe the tooth fairy is a ‘he’. Immediately, this image flashed in my mind:
Except imagine him in tights.
Consoled, my little feminist decided to give it another try. Guess who forgot? Guess who tried to pull the ‘ol “Look what fell behind the bed” trick? Luckily, I stopped him from doing damage control which would have caused more damage.
After the kids all went to school, Homie came up with this:
Dear Vivian,
I understand that you have been upset that you haven’t received a visit from me after losing a tooth. I do apologize for it taking so long to get to you. You see, there is only so much magic in the world at any one time. Normally there is plenty for me to get to things quickly, but around Christmastime, the North Pole draws heavily on the magic. There has been a bit of a shortage this week before Christmas and it has taken me a little longer than I would have liked to come retrieve your tooth. I even have had to resort to working some during the day! Anyway, I finally made it and I hope you are not too disappointed. Have a Merry Christmas and remember to take good care of those adult teeth that take the place of those you are losing.
Love,
Tooth Fairy
If it doesn’t work, I’m going to come clean.
Tags: Childhood Myths, imaginary, Mr. Tex, Santa, Tooth Fairy
- 7 comments
- Posted under Tex has real feelings, Tex on holidays, Tex on religion
October 9, 2011 When I say just a little bit, I mean a little
Ok, so the glass holds 16+ ounces.
A little could mean just a few sips or it could mean a little compared to how much I usually drink ( full). In this case, I meant a few more sips. But since I’ve already had a generous amount, my ability to be specific is a little…fuzzy. So when I said pour a little bit more, I didn’t mean half of the glass which is about 8 oz. which is actually more than a ‘serving’ (5 oz.) But since there’s half of a glass full of wine (yes, I’m a glass-half-full kind of person), and I’m not the kind of person to let perfectly delicious wine go to waste, I’ll drink it.
And that’s why I need to start buying wine by the case.
- 1 comment
- Posted under Rant-O-Rama
September 17, 2011 Not Perfect, but just fine
There’s nothing to be ashamed of.
It’s perfectly fine if you have to take medicine to be able to function the way everybody else does.
You haven’t done anything wrong.
It’s something that has contributed to what makes you the wonderful person you are.
I love you no matter what.
Those are all things I told my soon-to-be 16 year old daughter two years ago when I was trying to get her to see a doctor because I was pretty positive she had ADHD. I meant every single one of those words I told her. I still mean them. For her.
I’m a different story. Let me back up to the day I went to the bookstore with Mr. T to get a book about ADHD. He asked me if I was getting the book for myself. No. I’m getting it for our daughter. Why? Do you think I need it? Sometimes.
I tucked that conversation away to a part of my brain I don’t use very much (the part that is organized), and decided to focus on getting my daughter the help she needed.
Not too long ago, she started taking medication for ADHD. It has come with its fair share of complications, but for the first time EVER she was able to focus in school, complete tasks, and feel smart and successful. She even ended the year on the honor roll. I felt so happy for her. And jealous.
I’m ashamed to admit that I was jealous of my 16 year old daughter. I was jealous because she was succeeding in school, something I very much didn’t do. I was the kid who frustrated every teacher because I didn’t apply myself. If I would only do my homework, I’d get an A in the class. “Yes, Mr. English Teacher, I understand that if I don’t complete that research paper, I’ll fail English and have to take it in summer school.” I did summer school two summers in a row. I was the smartest kid in summer school. I knew I was smart. My friends in chemistry class would laugh at me because I unintentionally MEMORIZED the periodic table. I could pass notes all during math class, and even sometimes snooze in class, then raise my hand and solve the equation that the ‘smart’ kids didn’t know. My only A’s were in JROTC and Spanish. I barely graduated. No wonder I joined the Army and was a Spanish linguist.
I’m also jealous of my dear husband. Did you know that in less than three months, he will be retired from the Army? Did you know that he has had no less than 6 (probably more) firm job offers? Did you know that he’s known as the guy who gets shit done? He’s the kind of person who makes a list and keeps it and refers to it and keeps referring to it until he has crossed everything off of the list no matter how long it takes. He is a do-er. I love him. I love that about him. I hate that about myself because I’m exactly the opposite.
I get a brilliant idea. I am enthusiastic about it. I share that idea with people. They, too agree that it’s a fantastic idea. I make a plan to accomplish the brilliant idea. I start moving on the idea. I talk about it. I do it. I love doing the idea. Until I don’t. I don’t do the idea anymore. Or I forget about it. Or I realize it was a hard idea that will make me work harder than I had anticipated and I get overwhelmed and don’t know how to continue. This happens all the time. I always get in the way of my brilliant ideas. The jealous of my husband part? I could be successful too. I’m smart enough. It’s not fair that I’m not and he is.
I usually have no less than 10 things in my head that I need to do. Call this person to set up an appointment for that thing. Fix that broken thing.Eat lunch. Wash the clothes. Cancel that. Start this. And in the middle of all that, there’s my iPhone, laptop, facebook, blogs, books, knitting, kids, husband, pets, TV shows- all requesting my attention.
For the past 13 years, I have been able to use kids as my excuse for not getting much done. You people all have kids. You know how they are. As soon as you sit down to take a shit, someone needs something. The difference is that you still remember to shit after you’ve finished taking care of whatever the kid needed. With all my kids in school I have no more excuses. Time to face the facts.
I secretly went to a psychologist that specializes in adult ADD. It was one of the hardest things ever to make that phone call. When I talked to the doctor, it was the first time I had ever spoken those words out loud. I’m crying right now as I write them. It’s sad and frustrating to think about how different my life could have been if I had been diagnosed and treated when I was a child/teenager/young adult. It’s comforting to know that I have gotten my daughter the help she needs.
Mr. T knows. He reacted the exact way I knew he would. He hugged me, told me he was proud of me for seeking help. I’m not sure how I will deal with this yet. I guess I’ll keep you posted.
Tags: ADHD, inspiration, Mental Health, Mr. Tex
- 10 comments
- Posted under blogging, Tex has real feelings
June 19, 2011 I outdid myself
I usually suck at giving presents. Unless they’re for myself. Then I do quite the opposite- not suck.
Mr. T usually gets the suck end of the stick for his birthday because it’s just a few weeks before Father’s Day. For some reason, I can never get my shit together. It’s a good thing I’m good in the sack.
This year, I actually had a little wad of money at the time of Mr. T’s birthday. I wanted to buy him a bike so he could go bike riding with me. As I was telling my eldest child what I was planning for her dad’s birthday, she ever-so-sensibly suggested that I get something that he wants. Ya know, because it’s his birthday and all.
What her dad has really wanted for a long time is BBQ classes. He loves to grill, but doesn’t have much knowledge beyond the basics. So, I put my perfect present for myself him on the backburner and searched for and found the perfect birthday present for him: Bobby Flay’s ‘Grill It’ class at Sur La Table. He loved it, AND I had the perfect follow-on present for Father’s Day: a gift card to the awesome store he’d be at for his class.
But, I didn’t get the gift card. I forgot/got wrapped up in other things/spent the money/ forgot/ ran out of time/didn’t. I still have little bit of time to save up a more respectable amount of dinero for the gift card, so I scrapped that idea for now.
Instead, I baked some good shit for him last night. I made tiramisu again for the second time in my life and the second time in less than a month. AND I also baked an angel food cake with orange glaze and fresh whipped cream FROM SCRATCH. The kids and I made him a huge card from a ginormous poster board, and we ate those two desserts for breakfast.
The best part of it was last night while I was whipping up the eggs he told me that his grandma would make him an angel food cake every year for his birthday because angel food is his favorite. I was glad to give him his favorite cake.
Now, I’ll stop talking about how amazing I am, and tell you how great Mr. T is:
1. He is friendly.
2. He is kind.
3. He is thoughtful.
4. He is funny.
5. He is my best friend.
6. He is gorgeous.
7. He is a very good listener.
8. He is an awesome dad.
9. He is great in bed.
10. He is putting his life on the line right this moment while he teaches our soon-to-be 16 year old how to drive.
‘Nuff said.
Tags: Cooking, delicious, fantastic, Food, inspiration, Mr. Tex
- Leave a comment
- Posted under Tex has real feelings, Tex on cooking, Tex on holidays, Tex on sex