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Tex Commando

I'm not angry, just outspoken

Tag Archives: Mr. Tex

The Announcement. I think it’s tacky. When am I going to tell Facebook? That has been a question I have been asked over and over again. If you talk to me on a regular basis, you already know. If I hang out with you, you know EVERYTHING. If we are close friends, then you probably know more than you ever wanted to know.

I’m getting a divorce.

No need for the sad face. The end of my marriage isn’t a sad thing. I mean, it’s sad, but also happy. It’s happy-sad. It’s a good move. Homie and I are cool. Awkward sometimes, but cool. It was just time for our marriage to come to an end. 17 years was a good run.

There is someone else.

Not shocked? Fuck you. Just kidding (kinda). Marriage is complicated. People change. When you get married at 20, you are bound to change. To be clear, I didn’t leave my marriage for someone else. I left my marriage for myself. The someone else part was just the catalyst for a marriage ending that should have ended several years ago. Whether the new relationship with the other person lasts forever or not, it’s OK. I am working on Tex.

It’s a woman.

Close your mouth. You’re starting to drool. Who is it? Put the pieces together. It’s not THAT hard to figure out. Trust me, I’m just as shocked as you are. So is she. We never imagined we’d be SO MUCH IN LOVE!!!!! (yeah, yeah, jar)

AAAAAAND on that note, I’m going to go work on my sweater. And drink some wine. I think I might need some wine tonight.

Still haven’t figured it out? Try this.


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You know what it’s like when you fall in love. That OMG I CAN’T GET ENOUGH feeling that keeps you coming back for more and more. It’s exciting and fun and fulfilling. It makes you feel giddy and warm and fuzzy inside.

Then that shit gets old.

You realize that you spent so much time together in the first place that you don’t have anything to say to each other anymore. The thing that attracted the two of you in the first place, that spark, isn’t there anymore. You don’t feel the same thrill at the thought of being together. You are disinterested. You feel apathetic.

Where has the love gone?


That’s how I feel about blogging.

You didn’t think I was talking about Homie, did you? Getthefuckouttahere.

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I did a good job with yoga for the first two weeks of the month, then my kids had two weeks of early dismissals, holidays, days off school, yadda yadda yadda. They threw my shit off. It’s them, not me. Today is the first full day I have to clean my house, have conversations with myself and do laundry in forever. As much as I want to to sweat my ass off, I can’t do it. I need to be home. I have Mr. T trying to get me to meet him for lunch. Damn! Does it ever end?

I’m just kidding about the lunch thing. I like to go out for lunch. I prefer to have lunch out. I usually don’t eat lunch unless I get it out somewhere. The only thing about meeting him for lunch is that it’s a 30 minute drive to where he is, then we have to decide where to eat. Then it’s 30 minutes back home. I already committed to picking up a kid from school, so now my whole afternoon is messed up.

The things I do for love.

Oh, I am starting a new job Tuesday. I’ll be working at my yarn store two days a week. I’m pretty excited about that. Until the next thing comes along. Why is that? I’m like a little kid who sees all of the toys in the store and just HAS to have a specific one. Only when I get the toy, it’s just a countdown until I lose interest in that particular toy and NEED another, shinier, more exciting toy. How can I be better about that?

I haven’t cooked any more Indian food. So much for that idea.

Speaking of food, Mr. T and I get to have dinner with Lori and Jason at one of my favorite lunch date restaurants. I am hoping it’s freezing cold when I leave to meet Mr. T, because I am planning on wearing the mittens I just made. I’m giving them to Lori, so she can keep her new fingers warm. I really need to quality test them before I give them to her.

I guess that’s it for now. How is YOUR January going?

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I’m doing it! Over the past week, I have:

  • completed 7 yoga classes over the past 9 days. I am unofficially doing a 60 day challenge. That’s 90 hours of yoga in two months. I don’t know if I’ll actually do that much, but at this point, I have done more over the past week than I have done over the past two months. I’ll consider this first week a WIN!
  • cooked delicious Indian food. I used at least 3,000 bowls, dishes, pans, spoons, and measuring cups to make  Makhani Chicken, basmati rice, and  Naan. If you decide to make it, marinate the chicken like this and cook the sauce like the first recipe using the first suggestion. Also, this tastes even better the second day, so double the recipe like I did, and eat it for several days. I decided that I’ll focus on a different country/cuisine per month. I already have a request for Chinese next month. Do you mofos have a  suggestion?
  • plans to try to make a new friend. This girl and I from yoga talked some over the summer, and we lost touch because of my absence from yoga over the past several months. I saw her this morning, and I decided this afternoon that I’m going to try to make a new friend. She’s cool, and we seem to get along pretty well. We were both happy to see each other and catch up. It’s fucking weird to try to make a new friend. What do you say? “Hi, I’m Tex, will you be my friend?” Oh to be six again…
  • not had too many more ‘gasms over the past week. Why? I’ll have to discuss that with the Mr., and possibly work on some ‘self exploration’ while he’s gone for the week.

All in all, I’ve had a pretty good first week of the year. My evil plot to get my fellow apostate knitting best local maryland friend to the yarn store is going to come to fruition tomorrow. I’m looking forward to that. (Don’t you love all of the damned qualifiers?)

My littlest girl and I have started a nightly tradition of connect four. I plan to groom her to  actually be able to challenge me one day.  Mimi has even gotten into the nightly action. It’s a good alternative to planting them in front of the TV while I ignore them.

How was your first week?

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**8,000,000 points to the person who can tell me what T.V. show that line came from.**

OK. So, this text conversation really happened today. And while I was relating it to Mr. T, I realized that it makes for great blogging. Here goes:

(names have been changed to protect the innocent)

ANONYMOUS PERSON: Oh god, a woman just shit on the floor in walmart. I’m going to puke.

ME: Eeeeeeew!!!!

AP: She was running for the bathroom and didn’t make it. It ran down her leg. I’m stuck in line. I’m trapped and I’m seriously trying not to puke.

ME:Uh uh. Maybe just leave.
ME: Fuckit

AP: Reason #762 why the elderly should be euthanized.
AP: I’m next. And I need the melatonin or my kid will never sleep tonight.

ME: Go to fucking rite aid. Or puke. Whatever. I don’t care. I’m not standing in Walmart looking at someone’s shit
ME: Gross. Take a picture.
ME:  And post it.

AP: I’m not taking a picture of shit. They were cleaning it up, which is the only reason I didn’t run out of there. But it might be a month before I can eat again.

ME: Good. You have put on an extra couple of pounds. A little fasting couldn’t hurt. 😉

AP: Kiss my ass.


I couldn’t make this stuff up! Thanks AP for helping me write my blog. You are the best! 😉

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When we were active churchy mormons, I’d get out of Tooth Fairy duties on Sunday. It was the sabbath, after all. That worked for three kids. The fourth kid lost a tooth this past Sunday. I decided that I wasn’t going to invoke the sabbath in between sips of wine, so with full intentions of fulfilling my toothly fairy duties, I sent Vivian to bed. Mimi took great care to remind me. She made sure to remind Homie too.

Guess who didn’t show up? Guess who cried?  Guess who perpetuated the lie?

(I hate myself a little bit for lying to my kid about the tooth fairy and santa and all of that shit.)

So, I made an excuse for the tooth fairy. I told Viv that she must have had a lot of children to take care of. To which she replied that maybe the tooth fairy is a ‘he’. Immediately, this image flashed in my mind:

Except imagine him in tights.

Consoled, my little feminist decided to give it another try. Guess who forgot? Guess who tried to pull the ‘ol “Look what fell behind the bed” trick? Luckily, I stopped him from doing damage control which would have caused more damage.

After the kids all went to school, Homie came up with this:

Dear Vivian,

I understand that you have been upset that you haven’t received a visit from me after losing a tooth. I do apologize for it taking so long to get to you. You see, there is only so much magic in the world at any one time. Normally there is plenty for me to get to things quickly, but around Christmastime, the North Pole draws heavily on the magic. There has been a bit of a shortage this week before Christmas and it has taken me a little longer than I would have liked to come retrieve your tooth. I even have had to resort to working some during the day! Anyway, I finally made it and I hope you are not too disappointed. Have a Merry Christmas and remember to take good care of those adult teeth that take the place of those you are losing.


Tooth Fairy

If it doesn’t work, I’m going to come clean.

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Aside from not thinking people want to read what I have to say, there’s another reason I don’t post more. My friends and their wacky conversations on facebook. I get started on a blog post, and inevitably someone starts chatting or commenting on something crazy. Well, OF COURSE I can’t let it go. I have to participate. Then I forget what I was blogging about in the first place, and scrap the half-written paragraph. I guess I could only have one window open at a time. I don’t have to be on facebook while I’m blogging. I could allocate my time between blogging, housework, errands, facebook, work, working out, and all of that crap. But what fun is that?

I sorta like living in chaos. I like bouncing from thing to thing to thing. I like being rushed. I feel like I’m my most creative when there’s a tiny element of chaos involved. I feel like I get nothing done if I have plenty of time on my hands. Take this morning, for example:

I get up early and make my coffee. Then I’m on the computer to finish the blog post I started almost 24 hours earlier. Then I rememer about the pattern I was going to find for my 10 year-old’s friend to knit on her trip to Orlando in a couple of weeks. Then it’s time to go upstairs for the coffee/make breakfast/nag my kids to get ready for school/drink coffee/talk to kids. Then back downstairs to work on the blog post/check facebook/make plans to see friends today/arrange schedule and to-do list/delete old blog post and start this one. Then I go back upstairs to check on the kids/start creating an easy pattern for Mimi’s friend because the others online were too hard/make half of the girls’ lunches. I still haven’t brushed my teeth or gotten dressed. Zoom kids to bus stop. Get back to computer to attempt yet AGAIN to finish blog post. Then decide to go in and talk to husband who is still in bed (don’t hate. he had a rough night’s sleep). Kids are all gone. Why, yes, I will have sex with you, Mr. T. Finally take a shower, but just put on robe/check livingsocial for daily deal/buy deal/check more deals/get in touch with photographer who has another deal on livingsocial/talk to Mr. T/get halfway dressed/kiss Mr. T goodbye. I’m still not all the way dressed. No brush teeth. No dinner started like I need to. Blog post STILL isn’t done. Did I mention I’m supposed to have plans with a friend/make hummus/grilled pizza crust for dinner/train client/take kid to doctor/and leave for the weekend today? It’s 10am.

The crazy thing is that on a day like to day I’ll actually get all of this shit done and more. I’m still  halfway dressed and haven’t brushed my teeth. I make fun of the teenager because she always runs out of the house with no shoes on. She can’t put her shoes on before she leaves the house because she’s the same way.

I like it. I hate it. It’s what makes me who I am. It’s the best part of me and the worst part all tied into one awesome package called Tex.

I’d like to keep patting myself on the back, but I need to get dressed/brush my teeth/make pizza dough/hummus. Oh yeah- and eat breakfast. I haven’t eaten yet. I’m hungry. Maybe I should do that first.

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